Shadows and Dreams
by Leslie Lady of Light
Summary: Lily Evans returns for her sixth year at Hogwarts. What with glowing stones, wayward crushes, and two irrepressible Marauders, things aren't as normal as she would have expected. LJ, LS, very interesting, I guarantee!
1. Back to Normal

Author's Note: Hi all. This is my first fanfic so please bear with my slightly boring beginnings. I promise, it gets much, much better and I'll love you forever if you actually stick with this and get to about Chapter 3. I think it picks up from there. There's really no introduction to this story, which chronicles the life of Lily Evans, from her sixth year at Hogwarts. Note: This is not strictly Ootp-friendly. It's not at all AU, but some things, like the color of Sirius's eyes, I changed because I love him better with blue-green eyes than whatever color J.K. Rowling claimed he had...what would she know anyway ;)...  
  
Disclaimer: This is only fanfiction, people! Relax, I'm not willingly plagiarising anybody else's work; if you recognize anything that's yours (I don't see how you can as I didn't have Internet when I wrote this), I probably wrote it before and only posted it now (no, just kidding; seriously, if you have a problem, sorry in advance.)  
  
Ok then, on with the story...  
  
To be brief: It's the start of sixth year at Hogwarts and Lily Evans personally can't wait to get back to what she considers her real home. Maybe this year, the annoying James Potter will leave her alone. Or maybe, this year, she'll find the love of her life...  
  
Chapter 1: Back to Normal  
  
Halfway through their journey back to Hogwarts, the witch with the cart came by. As Hestia Jones and Lily Evans came outside to buy Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pasties from her, a commotion a few doors down caught their attention.  
  
A greasy-haired, slick-faced boy with coal black eyes was standing halfway along the corridor, his wand out, pointing at another boy, whose black hair stood on end and looked as though it had never seen a comb. This second boy stood with a taller, rather handsome boy with dark brown hair and soulful blue-green eyes.  
  
Peering curiously around the shoulder of the closest spectator of the tense scene, Lily noticed that the black-haired boy, whose dark hazel eyes were covered by the glasses he wore, also had his wand out, and that while the third did not, his hand was tightly clenched, inside his robes, around what was probably his wand.  
  
Lily frowned in disgust. James Potter and Sirius Black. Again. She had never seen such troublemakers. You would think that after five years of the same they could settle down. But no, here they were, fighting Severus Snape. What a surprise. She turned to go but noticed Hestia, newly made prefect of Gryffindor start forward.  
  
All thought of food pushed out of their minds, Lily followed as Hestia pushed her way through the crowd, until she was within hearing distance of the two. Then Hestia called, "Sirius Black!" The dark-brown-haired boy turned quickly around; spotting Hestia, a scowl suffused his handsome face and he turned back to Snape, sneering.  
  
Lily stared at Snape's sallow face and sensing her gaze, he momentarily shifted his eyes from James to gaze at her. It was like gazing into two dark tunnels. He continued to stare at her, for some reason; James caught the glance and used his chance to shout, "Furnunculus!"  
  
Instantly, Snape broke his eye contact with Lily, small tentacles having erupted all over his face. Not completely defeated he cried, "Tarentallegra!" and James' legs began dancing uncontrollably until his friend muttered something, which made them stop.  
  
By this time, Hestia was close enough to have a grip on Sirius's arm; she pulled him back through the crowd and grabbed James's hand as well, leaving Snape staring resentfully after them, tentacles all over his face.  
  
James had casually rumpled his hair and leaned towards Lily when he jumped backward, at the same time using one of his feet to kick Lily's shins. The foot made contact, causing her to half-leap half-fall backwards as both saw something white flash past, inches from where James now stood, before evaporating into mist.  
  
James growled, the blood draining from his naturally pale face and would have returned to the fight but instead saw Lily, sitting awkwardly on the floor and with a murderous glance at the back of the retreating Snape, turned to offer Lily his hand.  
  
Glaring angrily at him she held onto the wall and gingerly put her left foot down only to have it buckle under her, so she nearly fell again. James caught her and ignoring her protests that she could walk, picked her up and carried her into the compartment where Hestia and Sirius were already sitting, glaring in opposite directions.  
  
Hestia got up quickly as they came in, and even Sirius turned around, but on the contrary he grinned at James, then hastily pasted on a frown of concern. Sirius had learned to not let his real emotions show. James turned away from Lily then shook his head sadly, and Sirius's frown melted into a sympathetic smile then the two began to edge out of the compartment.  
  
Hestia noticed them go, and turned around, in time to see the edge of their robes vanishing around the corner. She ground her teeth in frustration then turned back to put a cast on Lily's foot.  
  
* * *  
  
Two compartments down, James and Sirius were sitting with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, their two other friends and fellow Gryffindors from Hogwarts, who had seen the fight from a distance, but wanted to know details. Sirius told them while James stared moodily out the window.  
  
Only Sirius knew what was bothering him, and Sirius would not say.  
  
Remus frowned uncertainly then said, "You were out there much too long. It didn't take that long to curse each other once."  
  
Sirius opened his mouth then when James shook his head, closed it again. "Sorry can't say," he said, not at all apologetically. Peter's face fell.  
  
Soon the witch with the cart came around and Peter and Remus went out to buy their food. As soon as they were outside the compartment, James said without preamble, "She hates me." He knew Sirius knew what he was talking about; he always did. It was part of what made them such good friends.  
  
Now Sirius wanted to lie and say it wasn't true, but knew James wouldn't believe him anyway, so he said, roughly careful, watching James' face, "Tough, mate. Find someone else. You've been at it, what three years now? And she doesn't even have a clue. Maybe if you just told her..."  
  
"No," James said flatly.  
  
"Your choice, mate. Isn't Hestia getting to be a prig? Just because she's prefect. How she ever got into Gryffindor when she belongs in Hufflepuff I have no clue."  
  
James nodded automatically. Sirius hated Hestia, who despised him equally. According to her, Sirius was a Black and should therefore act like one. While she didn't understand what made James get into so much trouble, she had an annoying theory that it was Sirius's influence, for as everyone knew, all Blacks were in Slytherin except Sirius, who was in Gryffindor. He was therefore, she concluded, much to Sirius's disgust and James's amusement, a sort of spy and not to be trusted.  
  
She had wanted to give him a punishment, he knew and it irked him that she should have that power over him. James sighed moodily and said, by way of ending the conversation, "I should've apologized," a statement with which Sirius could not argue.  
  
* * *  
  
At the Start-of-Term feast that night, James looked carefully around the hall, then more closely at Gryffindor table, but there was no need. There was no dark-red head among the lot, no bright green eyes, no dazzling smile.  
  
Although they usually sat at opposite ends of the long table, each with their groups of friends, James missed Lily's frequent laughter and thought with a pang that she must be in the hospital wing.  
  
He decided to skip dessert and go up and see her, so he slipped out of his chair and walked quietly out of Great Hall, his heart pounding.  
  
The hospital wing was quiet and nearly all dark except for a light at the far end of the room. James walked toward it silently and paused for a moment, wanting to gather together his courage, before stepping into the circle of light.  
  
The deep well of bravery that was inside James and that flared up at the first sign of a fight or a Quidditch match seemed nearly empty, but James stepped closer with a bravado he didn't feel, and gazed for a moment at the pale figure on the bed before she looked up.  
  
She had been reading and suddenly looked up to see a tall black shadow standing before her. She started then quickly sat up trying to make out the person's face on which the light shone glaringly. The person was tall and though slender, rather muscular, and she could just make out a mop of untidy straight black hair before figuring out that it was James Potter. She spoke first, uncertainly. "James?" When there was no reply, she asked, even more uncertainly, "James Potter?"  
  
James stepped forward so his face was out of the glaring light. Lily looked surprised to see him, but, he thankfully noted, not mad. "How are you?" he asked hesitantly, then hurried on, "I came to say sorry for...for," but now that he was here in front of her he couldn't remember what he was apologizing for.  
  
Her green eyes were puzzled and in their depths James could see a reflection of himself. "I mean," he said, in a stronger voice, "to say sorry for kicking you so hard. I didn't mean to break your shin," he finished rather lamely and for a moment there was silence.  
  
He thought of edging backward though he was reluctant to leave her lying there, a slender pale-faced figure, before she smiled and said, "That's all right. I mean, you didn't kick me on purpose, did you forget? If you hadn't, I think Snape's spell might've got me instead of you."  
  
Then she laughed at the look of relief on his face, and said, "Is the feast over? Why're you up so early?"  
  
"Almost," he said evasively, not wanting her to know he had skipped dessert.  
  
"It smelled good," she said a bit regretfully, then settling herself back on her pillows, she smiled roguishly up at him. "I think there's still time for dessert you know."  
  
James reddened and he felt like disappearing through the floor. She knew he had skipped dessert. What would she think? If he asked her now, would she maybe go out with him? She didn't seem mad at all, even though last year she had yelled in front of the whole school that she preferred the giant squid to him.  
  
Before he could escape downstairs, she said seriously though with a little smile, "Thanks for coming. That makes it even doesn't it?"  
  
Glad for an excuse to talk about anything that would keep her mind off dessert, he said quickly, too quickly, he thought, "Even?"  
  
"For yelling and embarrassing you in front of the whole school last year during exams, remember?" How could he forget? he thought, but he only grinned and said casually, "I guess it does."  
  
A hand started to go back up to his hair and she noticed the gesture, noticed also that all his composure was returning. "Go away now," she said with a laugh, "before the real James comes back."  
  
He laughed as well, then turned around and walked out of the room quickly, then once out of earshot, bounded down the steps, hoping he was in time for some dessert. Life was back to normal. 


	2. An Explosion of Potion

Author's Note: Thanks so much to those who reviewed already...don't worry, I've got plenty more where's this's come from...159 pages to be exact. So updates will be frequent and fun...  
  
Disclaimer: The usual. I don't mean to plagiarise and if J.K. Rowling ever reads my work, I'd jump for joy, ask her if it's good enough to publish, then drop to my knees and beg forgiveness.  
  
Oh, well, enough of that. Here's the next part.  
  
Chapter 2: An Explosion of Potion  
  
The next morning, Lily was in her usual seat at the Gryffindor table. James spotted her eating breakfast with Hestia then the sight of Snape smirking at him as he crossed the hall to the Slytherin table drew all other thoughts out of his head.  
  
He poked Sirius quickly and jerked his head towards where Snape was now seated among a gang of Slytherins, all of whom seemed pleased about something and all of whom kept glancing at James and laughing. James stomach churned and he felt rage building up inside him. Sirius had also spotted Snape. He too stood up and the two strolled nonchalantly over to where Snape sat, aware that Professor McGonagall was looking in their direction. Remus watched them go unhappily. Peter looked like he wanted to tag along but didn't have the guts to walk across the hall alone. James and Sirius had reached Snape now.  
  
With a half-glance at the teachers' table, James said softly, "All better, Snivellus?" Snape whipped around, his black eyes glinting dangerously, hatred etched on every line of his face. James too stared down at him with great dislike while Sirius looked contemptuous.  
  
Snape stood up, pushing the bench viciously at James knees, but James, with reflexes born of Quidditch training, jumped over the skidding bench and landed close to Snape, perfectly balanced, wand out. Snape looked furious at being caught without a wand and his hand edged towards his robes, but Sirius, who also had his wand out, made a quick gesture like a slash across Snape's front and his hand froze in midair.  
  
"That's it, Snivelly. Hold still a minute and listen before you pull that piece of wood you call a wand out again." Snape looked murderous but James ignored the glare and continued, "The last time you cheated, but no matter. I didn't expect you to play fair anyway," he added to growls from the other Slytherins. "And there was outside interference. So I'm warning you, one more dirty trick like that, and I don't care what happens to me, you're dead." James and Sirius turned and walked back to their table leaving Snape seething behind them while a fellow Slytherin quickly undid Sirius's stilling charm.  
  
"Threats are great things, James, but what are we really going to do to get rid of the slimeball?" James frowned and shoved his wand angrily back into his robes and thought a moment. "I'll tell you if I think of anything," he said at last as the bell rang for the first class.  
  
Sirius watched Lily and a group of her friends hurry to the doors and asked, "So what happened last night?" James shrugged absentmindedly, not really hearing the question. Sirius caught the absent expression on his face and realized that James had not even caught the glance Lily gave him and said forcefully, "When you say three years you mean three years off and on, mate."  
  
* * *  
  
Lily hurried to her first class, Herbology, her thoughts in a whirl. James was back to how he had always been, she had seen him taunting Snape at breakfast. Had she just imagined what had happened yesterday in the hospital wing? He had seemed so different then and today...then he had not even seen her smile at him, though he had been looking in her direction. There had been an angry look on his face and Lily seriously wondered whether he got all his amusement out of taunting and fighting with Snape.  
  
She was dull-spirited all through Herbology as a result of the continuous whirl of her thoughts. She had to admit, the James who had nervously apologized in the hospital wing had been very interesting, but now he was seemingly hidden under that loud, rough exterior that ruled almost permanently.  
  
Hestia was out of sorts too, still upset that she had not managed to use the power of her prefect's badge on Sirius and James the night before, so that when the two of the them passed James, Sirius, Remus and Peter on their way up to the castle, no one said anything.  
  
Sirius grinned at James at the look on Hestia's face, but it was lost on James, who walked along, noticing nothing, thinking only of Snape. His hazel eyes were dark and he even forgot to rumple up his hair as he did whenever he passed a pretty girl. He was pale underneath his tan.  
  
Next Lily had Potions, and though this was a subject that came easily to Lily and (she remembered against her will, not so easily to James) James would be in this class, she thought a little drearily. Normally he would try and talk to her, and normally she had managed to ignore him, but today she felt so tired that she thought her resistance to his persuasive voice would be weakened.  
  
Apprehensively, she approached the dungeons where Potions classes were held, with a still fuming Hestia in tow; she was working herself up into a fury so she could confront Sirius in Potions. Lily sighed and tried to calm Hestia down, but to no avail. Sirius and possibly James, would get detention, they would hate Hestia and possibly Lily (for being her friend) even more, and they could get on with their lives.  
  
Today however, none of the expected things happened. James, Sirius and Remus were already deep in discussion when Lily and Hestia arrived, Hestia's eyes going wide at the sight of Sirius and James "plotting."  
  
They didn't turn around when Peter hurriedly joined them, acting important, assuming himself to be the envy of all the students for being in James and Sirius's gang. They completely ignored his enthusiastic greetings, instead continued to confer quietly, leaving the rest of the class rather suspicious. If James and Sirius were ever anywhere other than the center of attention, and if they were seriously discussing anything as they seemed to be now, something was up.  
  
The bell rang and the door opened. Everyone watched as they filed in, and went to their table in the farthest corner of the room. Sirius and James continued to talk while Remus turned to Peter genially. All eyes were on Sirius and James though their conversation was too soft for any to hear. Remus, it appeared, was filling Peter in. Everyone heard as he squeaked excitedly, "This weekend?!" Instantly, James broke off whatever he had been enthusiastically discussing with Sirius to flash Peter a warning look. Peter flushed and he began stammering an apology but James growled something under his breath and he fell silent.  
  
Lily and Hestia mixed their Cure-all potions, guaranteed by their teacher, Madam Marsh, to cure the common ailments and maladies. It was a tricky potion and Lily was forced to concentrate on that alone, as if not properly made, it could explode. According to Madam Marsh, the unfinished stages of the potion were the most dangerous as they caused a fatal languor that only the healthiest of people could fight off completely. As the potions simmered, Lily glanced over at James.  
  
He was a few steps behind, having finished his discussion with Sirius while everyone else read the directions. Now she watched as he added undiluted dragon blood, carefully measured with his scales. Lily was so preoccupied in watching him that she accidentally let her potion simmer too long and before she realized it, with a loud sparking noise, the contents, now a moist wet powder, exploded, causing a huge blaze to burn merrily inside her cauldron. She cried out, and turned quickly around to make sure no one had gotten hurt.  
  
Rather relieved she was turning back to her cauldron when she noticed James sitting hazily on his chair. She clapped a hand to her mouth and hurried over. "Are you all right?" and when he did not respond, she asked Sirius anxiously, "Did he get hit?" Sirius nodded grimly and glared at her menacingly but she ignored him and shook James by the shoulder.  
  
Now Madam Marsh had hurried over and was vigorously shaking James, occasionally rapping him on the head with her wand. "Continue with your potions, you should be almost done!" she cried. "We don't want any more accidents! Have everyone stopper their potions in a flagon, clearly labeled," she barked at Remus.  
  
With the combined efforts of Sirius, Lily and Madam Marsh, James was able to completely recover. Everyone's potion was safely corked and the residues cleaned up when the bell rang. Lily still waited anxiously by her scorched cauldron, wanting to make sure James would be all right. Sirius helped him to his feet and with Remus's help, supported James onto his feet, where he stood for a moment, gazing vaguely around the room.  
  
Then seeing Lily waiting anxiously, her brow furrowed and biting her lip, he smiled weakly. "You owe me one, Evans," he said, before walking slowly out of the room. 


	3. Pieces of Green

Author's Note: Nothing to say this time. I'm trying to crank out as many chapters as I reasonably can. I guess it's safe to say you can expect frequent updates until I run out...by then, hopefully I'll have more written. I'm also going to post a few other stories; be a darling and check those out too.  
  
Note: I realize that PoA mentions fifth year as the Year of the Animagi. Still, I didn't feel like doing fifth year, because the Snape episode's in it and I hate it – Lily's so stuck up in it. If you haven't noticed, my Lily isn't Prefect or anything near it ;) Alright, I'll stop now. + Disclaimer: All mentioned characters and "things" belong exclusively to J.K. Rowling, who is, might I add, making quite a few shillings from them.  
  
Chapter 3: Pieces of Green  
  
There was a very good reason for the absentmindedness of James over the next few weeks. He and Sirius, who had run away from home over the summer to James' place had, after three years of hard work, finally figured out the necessary steps to becoming Animagi.  
  
This had been their ambition for the last three years, since they had met Remus in third year, and discovered that he was a werewolf. James' rather brilliant idea was that only humans were in danger in the company of a werewolf, so if he, Sirius and Peter morphed into animals, or Animagi, they could keep Remus company on the full moon nights.  
  
He had arrived at this triumphant conclusion after close on a month of in- depth study of books on werewolves. Since then, they had been researching Animagi vigorously, in their free moments, even through their OWL year.  
  
Over the summer, James and Sirius had been busily occupied in researching the last steps of the transformation. Now they had all the steps neatly copied onto four scrolls of parchment. They contained a series of highly complex mathematical models and diagrams and equations, followed by some rather nicely done drawings by Sirius, who wrote a better hand than James.  
  
Now it was this upcoming weekend to which all four looked forward to. Then they would try their first transformations according to the formulas written out and pored over by James and Sirius. It was about this exciting prospect that their lengthy Potions conversation had been about, and now all James and Sirius could talk about was that. Wherever they walked, they had their heads together, talking softly over complicated mathematical terms and numbers.  
  
Anyone passing them in the hall might have heard: "Yes, the first of the month is full moon. At 12 pm then, I think is best," Sirius would say.  
  
"I reckon it would take up to four hours, especially part two but if we get the time factor and the transforming proportions right the first time, we'd be lucky," James would reply.  
  
Sometimes Remus walked with them, and his pale, peaky face would show excitement and anticipation. Peter would squeak something excitedly from behind them about it going to be the coolest thing ever, but James and Sirius turned simultaneously and with hardly a glance at each other, said the same thing, in identical tones of cool superiority: "You won't be transforming this weekend. James and (Sirius and) I are trying it first, to make sure it works." Then they looked at each other and laughed.  
  
Lily heard the laughter as she was hurrying to her class. She was already late, and she had never been late before. James, who had been laughing uproariously at something Sirius had said, looked up and saw her approaching.  
  
Straightening up with a playful look on his face he called joyfully, "Hey, Evans!" She barely glanced at him before hurrying past him and Sirius, intent on at least making it to class before the second bell. James called again but she again ignored him.  
  
James paused to think for a minute, then took out his wand and taking careful aim, he pointed it at the ribbon she had woven through her thick dark-red hair. She always wore it loose and flowing down her back and today she had a green ribbon woven through it.  
  
"EVANS!" James called, and out of pure frustration, Lily turned around, her hair whipping around her face in the strong wind. James said nothing but dangled the green satin ribbon before catching hold of its flying end, until it was lost in his palm. She stared as he disappeared behind a tree, then remembering her class, hurried on again.  
  
Hestia had saved her a seat and luckily Madam Marsh had not yet started, so she merely eyed Lily sternly but did nothing other than point to her seat. Lily sank down next to Hestia, relieved. She was a rather favorite of Madam Marsh's but even her favorites were subject to her punctual standards. Lily half-wondered what excuse James and his friends would have when they arrived. That had been her favorite ribbon James had taken. Why would he take it?  
  
From the start of her fourth year, Lily had been aware that a certain someone had stared at her every time she passed. She had ignored it, being engrossed with other things. Besides, James at the time was no more than an unruly fourteen-year-old whereas Lily, though younger, was much more mature.  
  
Then in her fifth year he had tried to get her attention, started calling her "Evans" and attempted to flirt before she had frozen him so badly that he didn't try again all year. Other than the one episode during their exam when Lily had been forced, by her strong sense of justice and plain dislike of James' antics to stop his torment of Snape, when he had asked her out, though so casually Lily couldn't believe it was genuine, James hadn't come near her all year.  
  
Now, sixth year, it seemed he was trying again. The James she had seen in the hospital wing had certainly been interested in her, but it wasn't until today that she thought the James everyone else saw, the one she suspected was actually real might be too. And that brought her up short.  
  
Whichever way she looked at it, it was a compliment. Though James was indeed a troublemaker, he, along with Sirius Black, were the brightest, the best, the coolest, and possibly the hottest in the school. To have either James Potter or Sirius Black fancy you was something every girl dreamed about, though Lily never had.  
  
Sirius had already had plenty of girlfriends, though his relationships lasted a week, no more and James was little better when it came to having this Lisa or that Martha hanging off his arm. But while both he and Sirius flirted with practically any pretty girl they saw, though no one from Slytherin, James had never been serious about anyone, had never actually pursued any girl. Before now.  
  
Lily felt a certain undeniable consternation at this. She had been liked and admired before; she had even liked other boys, and dated a few. But they had not been James Potter.  
  
And while it irked her that James should be so special, it was true. Once the entire school found out that James was interested in her, there would be no way she could refuse him. Not go out with James Potter when half the girls in school were in love with him! Lily remembered the cool glances she had got from more than one girl after she had shouted at James in fifth year. Now she would probably be shunned if she didn't go out with James.  
  
Lily sighed and turned restlessly in her seat as Madam Marsh gave them the latest instructions for their Cure-all potions.  
  
Suddenly Lily, who had been leaning back in her seat, felt a slight pressure on her hair. Turning sharply around, she saw the teasing face of none other than James Potter!  
  
He was attempting to braid the green ribbon back into her hair and was not doing a good job of it. He was so engrossed in his task that although his impish smile widened as she turned to gaze at him confusedly, he didn't look up. He finally ended by tying all her hair into a loose ponytail then sat back and admired his handiwork. He looked up and Lily, meeting his eyes, blushed before turning around. The loosely tied knot fell apart as she turned and James groaned behind her.  
  
Outside Potions, Lily was waiting for Hestia, who had a question for Madam Marsh about their lecture when James, who had been talking to Sirius strolled toward her nonchalantly. She noticed that Sirius had discreetly left and turned her head slightly to see the retreating backs of two of her classmates. She pretended not to have noticed all this and ignored James until he was standing right in front of her.  
  
She looked up and took a step back-he was too close. James stepped closer. Again Lily moved her feet back to distance herself but after this second step the wall appeared to block her escape. Looking anywhere but at his face, she searched desperately for some way out, even back through the door into the Potions classroom, but there was nothing.  
  
Now Lily swallowed and tried to smile and act as if she didn't realize what James was approaching her for. She managed until she raised her face enough to meet his eyes then the smile fled and she leaned back against the wall. He did know. He knew how she had agonized over the situation in Potions and he knew, she trembled, that she didn't want to go out with him. What would she do if he asked her out? she wondered nervously but James said nothing.  
  
Instead he pulled her green ribbon out of his pant pocket and fingered it slowly. Then he raised his gaze to hers and saw her eyes riveted on his fingers that continued to caress the green ribbon. Then he gazed straight into her eyes. Lily was now so nervous that she closed her eyes.  
  
The next thing she knew she felt a warm weight on her lips and she opened her eyes in shock. James' eyes were closed, his hands on her shoulders, warm and heavy. She couldn't believe she was kissing James Potter. Abruptly, she pulled away. James opened his eyes and stepped back rather startled. His deep hazel eyes caught her gaze and she was about to push past him but stopped short.  
  
"Lily," he whispered, and she realized, rather irrelevantly that it was the first time he had used her name. He came a little closer. "Lily," he said again, and his voice was pleading and quiet and full of longing.  
  
She shook her head rather weakly and held out her hand for her ribbon but instead he pocketed it thoughtfully. "James," she said pleadingly. "My- my...," she stammered. He merely shook his head, eyeing her meditatively.  
  
The next morning Lily was late for breakfast. In the entrance hall she spotted James lounging near the open door, talking to Sirius and laughing. He, she noted rather resentfully, looked perfectly happy and content, there was no sign of the longing look on his face as he joked around with Sirius and messed up his hair.  
  
She, on the other hand had not been able to sleep...  
  
She saw him glance up to see who was coming in late and when he saw it was Lily, saw his smile fade slightly. But he turned his back to her and continued chatting with Sirius though his face was tense. He heard her soft footsteps echo in the entrance hall then heard them disappear into the Great hall before he relaxed.  
  
"What's she got against you, mate?" Sirius said exasperatedly. "Hell, half the girls in this place are mad about you. The half that is," he added, with a grin, "that aren't crazy for me."  
  
The comment, as expected brought the smile back to James's face and they went into the Great Hall together, James determined that he wasn't going to get upset over a girl. 


	4. Twisted Revenge

Disclaimer: All the following characters are owned by J. K. Rowling. The following was not written with a desire to plagiarise, copy or otherwise steal the work of other writers.  
  
Enjoy the show...  
  
Chapter 4: Twisted Revenge  
  
Lily was immensely relieved that after the disturbing scene in the Potions hallway, James remained preoccupied enough with whatever was possessing him and Sirius, to leave her well alone.  
  
The first weekend James and Sirius had transformed into animals. It had taken the better part of an hour to figure out a part that should have taken five minutes, and the entire process ended up taking all night instead of an hour.  
  
Remus was not with them, having gone to the Shrieking Shack just in case it failed. Finally however, James managed to turn into a stag complete with antlers and Sirius into a bear-sized dog. They got no sleep that night, and were red-eyed the next morning. Lily noticed James dozing awkwardly in an armchair while finishing his homework and wondered but said nothing. Quidditch practice that night furthered tired James so he went straight up to bed and slept all night.  
  
The following morning, James, Sirius and Remus met near the lake. They strolled on its banks where they were not in much danger of being overheard. James and Sirius were exultant at being able to have transformed, and were keen to try it next Friday.  
  
"We ought to have names, you know? Secret ones, that nobody knows," James said excitedly. "Yeah, that sounds cool. Remus, you should be Moony and James you could be...Prongs!" Sirius said excitedly.  
  
"And you're Padfoot, you creep around so softly it's scary," James said grinning at Sirius.  
  
"Once Peter transforms into a rat he can be Wormtail," Remus added, though neither James nor Sirius heard.  
  
A startling, daring idea had just occurred to James. "Think what we can do once we're all animals!" he said delightedly. "Ok, full moons we've got to go to the Shrieking Shack to be with Remus, but other times we could go everywhere on the grounds and in Hogsmeade! Even the Forbidden Forest!" he added with another grin at Sirius who shuddered.  
  
Sirius, who had had a few unpleasant experiences in that place, knew it was forbidden for a reason and had a healthy fear of it.  
  
"Great then, next full moon, we go into Hogsmeade and explore," James said, and they shook hands on it, eager to get on with a new adventure.  
  
Sirius and James spent the month planning fun things to do on the full moon, until Remus reminded them that the transformations would take most the night especially since Peter would be trying it too. James face fell.  
  
"He doesn't have to try it this weekend," James said but Remus shook his head no. Meanwhile however, out of earshot of Remus, James and Sirius were planning a whole bout of new pranks now that they had all of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade at their disposal for one night each month.  
  
The second transformation went much quicker for James and Sirius though because of Peter, they were stuck in the Shrieking Shack all night and got to do nothing fun. The next morning, red-eyed from lack of sleep and ill tempered from the lack of adventures the night before, James and Sirius sat in the common room, determined to cause some other trouble.  
  
Peter, who had proved a miserable failure at the transformation the night before, owing to his fear that Remus would bite him, a fear which James and Sirius only preyed upon, was out of favor even of Remus and sat alone, sniffling pitifully.  
  
James suddenly stood up, and ran up to the dormitory. He returned a moment later and winking at Sirius, walked out the portrait hole. Sirius casually left as well observed by no one but Hestia who put her tongue between her teeth and tutted.  
  
James had his Invisibility Cloak that had been his father's, inside his robes. When Sirius appeared, without a word, he slipped it over his head and the two headed off. Both knew exactly where they wanted to go; when they were out of sorts they both sought out a room on the seventh floor, hidden in the wall opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, known as the Room of Requirement.  
  
Reaching it they pulled off the cloak and paced back and forth three times, thinking hard. When a door finally appeared in the wall, James and Sirius entered and closed it, locking it against all others.  
  
Inside were piles of joke stuff, and more serious prank stuff. Having been here before both Sirius and James headed over grimly to the Most Serious Mischief pile and began sorting through its contents.  
  
"I hate Potions," James muttered. "Something to get us out of Potions for an afternoon..."  
  
Instantly, he felt a small silver bottle under his fingers. Grinning, he opened his palm and saw a Potions bottle, exactly the same as any other he might have had, only this was not a bottle, but contained a button on its stopper. One click when held over an ingredient and its contents were changed though not appearance. James had noticed it before but had never felt the need to use it until now. Sirius grinned as James held it up then they left both eagerly anticipating the Monday's Potions lesson.  
  
Sunday, James had Quidditch practice. He demonstrated the Wronski Feint seeker diversion to the team and an adoring fan club, nearly perfectly, having practiced all summer, and left the stadium with a jaunty walk.  
  
The next morning, after a hurried breakfast, James and Sirius walked down quickly to the Potions room. When Madam Marsh opened the cupboard of ingredients, they made sure they were first in line to get their ingredients.  
  
James quickly tapped the button once, over the highly reactive satanite then scooping up a bit in his flask, returned to his table, grinning maliciously. This would be interesting to watch; he had just turned the normally harmless though reactive satanite into a corrosive even more reactive dantanite.  
  
James carefully followed all the instructions and got up to the stage at which they were to add the tampered ingredient, not wanting to appear guilty of any other crime other than sabotage. James paused to rummage for his scales in his bag, having purposely left them in there, then stood up the picture of innocence, next to Sirius, watching as pandemonium reigned.  
  
When they added the reactive silver dantanite to their potions, most got a faceful of steam as it bubbled uncontrollably. Not realizing that the potion was now corrosive, they did not, at first, jump onto their desks.  
  
It was only after Hestia got her shoes melted and shrieked as it bit her toes that the class realized something was dangerous about their potions. Madam Marsh added to the confusion by clearing up Hestia's potion and angrily sending her to the hospital wing, believing it to be her mistake, as Hestia had reached the step before anyone else.  
  
James saw Sirius grin and thought he knew why: their prank had melted Hestia's toes if nothing else. Now Madam Marsh called irritably for everyone to finish up and James grinned expectantly. Within a few moments everyone stirred their boiling smoking potions and received face-fuls of boiling, corrosive steam for their trouble.  
  
James ducked in the billowing clouds of green smoke, reveling in the mayhem he had caused. A sharp cry to his right, however, made him whirl around quickly.  
  
Lily had not added the dantanite, being a little behind, but a few drops clinging to the acrid smoke had splashed in her eyes. James leapt forward, knowing it could cause blindness and caught Lily in his arms as she swayed, dangerously near to falling headfirst into Hestia's cauldron.  
  
Madam Marsh waved her wand furiously; the green smoke, a rather clever addition of Sirius's at the first sign of pandemonium vanished. She looked around for a guilty face.  
  
Seeing James holding Lily anxiously and Sirius helping another Gryffindor apparently assured her of their innocence.  
  
The best part, James felt, was seeing Snape getting a mouthful. Madam Marsh administered a sort of cure-all antidote, not knowing exactly what had caused the problem.  
  
Everyone with only skin complaints managed to recover with little problem; Snape had to go up to the hospital wing for more treatment, having burned a hole in his tongue and Lily, with tears leaking uncontrollably out of her tightly shut eyes did too.  
  
James helped her up and watched Madam Pomfrey immediately put something into her eyes.  
  
"Will she be all right?" James asked anxiously.  
  
"All right?! She needs treatment now and fast. Now OUT!" Madam Pomfrey barked before setting out a row of eye drops to be administered. 


	5. Questionable Alliances

Author's Note: Firstly, I'm really, really sorry if you reviewed and your reviews have disappeared; I accidentally deleted it or something and had to upload it again...so please, review again! Secondly, I know that a lot of you solid L/J shippers aren't going to like this chapter...all I can say is, don't hate me and keep reading! It will not continue like this – this chapter is mostly to show the extent of James's regard for Lily and her...un-regard...for him. Don't worry, they will get together...eventually ;).  
  
Disclaimer: None of the following characters belongs to me. Thanks for reading anyway.  
  
Chapter 5: Questionable Alliances  
  
Lily stayed in the hospital wing for nearly a week, every day of which, Hestia and James, separately though, visited her.  
  
She wished James wouldn't but he seemed anxious to make up for something and though she could not see him through the thick bandages that covered her eyes, she knew he was sitting there, silently staring at her.  
  
Snape lay in the bed next to her, undertaking just as long and serious treatment as Lily. During the long hours alone in the hospital wing, when she was not allowed to do anything at all, Lily found strange company in Snape's presence.  
  
It was true, he could not talk and she could not see, but she knew he could see and hear her. It was during one of James' visits that she even remembered Snape also had suffered a dose of James's mischief.  
  
James, tired of the long hours sitting quietly in the hospital wing was looking around for something interesting to do. Lily appeared to have fallen asleep, something she did more and more often these days, he noticed worriedly, though she claimed it was only to rest her eyes.  
  
James' eyes fell on a stringy-haired figure, reading by the light of a candle, and he let out his breath in a joyful hiss: Severus. Getting quietly up, he glanced at Lily, still sleeping.  
  
Then he walked over to Snape's bedside, noticing that Snape had no cards or visitors like Lily. Snape looked up as a shadow fell across the page, and seeing James tried to scowl through the heavy bandages on his mouth.  
  
James laughed softly and said, "Guess that wasn't really a fair fight, was it, Snivelly?"  
  
Snape's eyes widened as he realized what James meant and heaving himself out of bed, he grabbed his wand and pointed it at James, who had taken his wand out a half-minute before.  
  
"What'll you do?" James taunted. "Can't talk , can you?"  
  
At this moment, much to Snape's poorly disguised relief, Madam Pomfrey flounced in with Lily and Snape's daily medications. She took in the situation at a glance, also glancing at Lily's sleeping form, guessing immediately that James had been bored.  
  
"Fighting with a patient?!!!" she screamed at James. "Get OUT NOW and do NOT come back here!!"  
  
Lily woke up sharply at the sound of Madam Pomfrey's voice and moaned softly as pain shot through her eyes.  
  
James turned around in concern and Snape used his chance to aim a beam of white light at James' face. It bounced off his shoulder, jarring it before Madam Pomfrey aimed her wand at him. James ran out quickly, ducking the spell she sent after him.  
  
The next day James returned, and Lily, who had been having a one-sided conversation with Snape looked up sharply when Snape moved restlessly on his bed.  
  
"It's Potter, is it?" she asked in a cold voice. "You needn't stay. You can leave right now. Madam Pomfrey's forbidden you to ever come in here again. Besides, I don't want your company."  
  
After this shocking speech, Lily turned back and resumed her discussion with Snape, who gloated at James' embarrassment. It took James a moment to realize that Lily was talking to Snape, who was slowly regaining his speech.  
  
His expression furious, he turned to Lily and shouted, "What the hell are you talking to him for? You'd rather talk to him than me?!"  
  
"Yes," Lily said coolly. "At least he doesn't attack innocent people."  
  
"Innocent!" James thundered. "HIM!"  
  
"Get out of here," Lily said, though her voice shook. "I never want to see you again. Do you think I don't know you changed the ingredients?" she asked, with a hint of tears in her voice.  
  
"Lily, I never..." James began earnestly, moving towards her.  
  
"I heard you!" she said, her voice angry and cold. "Telling him!" she added with a gesture at Snape. James glanced at Snape, whose smug expression was getting intolerable, and with an effort turned back to Lily.  
  
"You needn't ever come here again! And don't even try talking to me after either!" At this point, angry tears began rolling down her face, wetting her bandages.  
  
Instantly, Snape made a harsh noise and James saw, looking at him in some disgust, that he was shaking his head, staring at Lily's tears. Lily wiped them away and said, "Thanks, Severus."  
  
James could hardly bear Lily's outburst combined with her sudden understanding with Snape, and with a last withering glance at Snape, stalked out. Snape watched him go, a satisfied expression on his face.  
  
A week and two days after the disastrous Potions lesson, it was time for Lily's bandages to be taken off. James had run all the way there after Quidditch practice, and Hestia had hurried up as well.  
  
Now they stood talking quietly in a corner while Madam Pomfrey finished thoroughly checking Snape's mouth and made him say a few sentences. Then she pronounced him fit to leave and turned to Lily. Snape walked to the door without a glance at James and Hestia, but paused and turned to watch as Madam Pomfrey bent over Lily.  
  
Madam Pomfrey began unwinding the rows of bandages wrapped around Lily's head. James and Hestia watched anxiously as Madam Pomfrey pulled off the last pieces of gauze and told Lily to open her eyes.  
  
Lily opened her eyes and said nothing for a moment. James' heart sank, thinking she still could not see. Then, squinting her eyes a little against the bright light, Lily sat up and looked around.  
  
Her gaze settled first on Hestia, who looked near tears. Hestia smiled and ran to hug Lily though her hands were shaking and there were tears in her eyes.  
  
Lily's eyes fell on James next and she frowned angrily, wincing as pain shot through her eyes. Madam Pomfrey looked only a little concerned and told Lily not to frown or glare for at least a week.  
  
Finally Lily saw Snape, still by the door. "All better, are you?" she asked brightly, smiling at him. He nodded then turned around and left.  
  
There was a party that night in the Gryffindor common room to celebrate Lily's return. James watched her from outside the circle of her closest friends.  
  
Though she still squinted her eyes a little, they seemed their usual clear and bright green and the only evidence she bore of the acid was a little hollow on the side of her left eyelid. Her eyelashes, returned from their bleached state to their normal brown, nearly covered it.  
  
Now the Christmas holidays were approaching and James grew desperate to have Lily forgive him.  
  
But he could never catch her alone.  
  
She went everywhere with a group of friends or at least Hestia.  
  
Finally, he found her in the Potions hallway before class. Hurrying towards her, he opened his mouth to call her when he noticed she was talking to somebody. Slowing down to a saunter he walked towards them.  
  
His mouth fell open as he neared and realized it was Snape. With a growl he stepped forward. Snape saw him first and pulled out his wand, sneering.  
  
Lily looked up startled, and seeing James, stepped between them angrily.  
  
"Why were you talking to him?" James asked in a dangerously quiet voice, jerking his head at Snape, who was eyeing him malevolently over Lily's head.  
  
"I can talk to whomever I want," Lily said loftily. "And it's none of your business. Besides, I had a question about Potions and of course, you're no good at it, so what's the point in asking you?" she asked, her voice sweet and cold.  
  
James flushed angrily but decided to take it up with Snape instead. He stepped around Lily to face Snape, but Lily pulled out her own wand.  
  
"Don't, James," she said quietly. "He hasn't done anything to you. Leave him alone."  
  
Snape sneered even more at James' confusion and rage built up inside him at the thought of Snape laughing at him. Snape, never a believer or practitioner of fair play, aimed his wand at James' legs and muttered something.  
  
Both James' legs collapsed and he fell, watching angrily as Snape walked off, with a smug expression on his face. James glared at Lily now but she ignored it and moved to help him up.  
  
He winced angrily and growled, "Why d'you get in the way? You don't know anything about him, or the way he fights." Hobbling slowly along, half supported by Lily half dragging himself, he continued, "Why do you talk to him anyway?"  
  
"He asked me about my eyes," she said simply.  
  
James roared angrily. "You'd talk to anyone who tries to chat you up just because they ask about your eyes?!" he asked in disbelief.  
  
At this Lily turned very pale and her eyes glittered coldly as she unceremoniously dropped his arm, causing him to fall in an ignominious heap at her feet.  
  
He looked up surprised and angry, and noticed she had pulled out her wand and was fingering it, still with a cold, calculating look. He noticed tears in her eyes and said sharply, "You're not supposed to cry!"  
  
At this Lily raised her wand though she said nothing, only eyed him, an odd, unreadable expression on her face.  
  
Several long tense minutes passed.  
  
Finally she lowered her wand and ran off, disappearing around the corner. A few minutes later, Sirius ran around the corner.  
  
Seeing James sitting in a corner with his feet splayed under him, he swore under his breath and said, "Lily told me you were here and needed help. Who the hell did this?"  
  
Suddenly a shocking thought occurred to him and he asked in a numb voice, "Did she?"  
  
James shook his head and said, "Snape," through gritted teeth. Sirius's expression cleared, and he said, "I don't know. It's just that she looked pretty mad when she found me, see."  
  
He helped James to his feet and they headed slowly to the hospital wing. 


	6. Out of Control

Disclaimer: The usual. Stop reading these and get to the story and more importantly, that review button!  
  
Ch. 6: Out of Control  
  
James figured his chances of talking to Lily alone again were zero. He confided to Sirius that he had no more hope that she would ever like him. Sirius looked considerably upset at this news, since he knew James had devoted the better part of three years to this crusade, an insanely long time for either of them.  
  
Meanwhile James and Sirius were plotting ways to get back at Snape for his embarrassing defeat of James in their latest showdown. Sirius finally came up with what he considered to be a brilliant plan, though he didn't tell James immediately.  
  
The following Saturday being the full moon, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter would be transforming. They hoped to get it done in half an hour and were eagerly planning things to do, when Peter, who was acting as lookout, hurried over excitedly to say that Snape had been prowling around.  
  
James's eyes narrowed; Snape had been following them for nearly three weeks now, eager to find out what they were up to that made them so happy during the days preceding their adventures. It was getting annoying.  
  
Sirius looked thoughtful at this news and as they hastily headed in opposite directions, he leaned over and said to James, "I don't think you, me and Peter ought to transform this weekend."  
  
James looked surprised and indignant, until Sirius said that he thought he could plan something for Snape instead, though he wouldn't say what. James grinned and remained in good humor for the next two days, though Peter was sorely disappointed.  
  
* * *  
  
On Saturday, the night of the full moon, James and Sirius walked over to Snape's table at dinner. Lily watched them go, frowning until her eyes hurt.  
  
Snape looked up when he felt a wand poking into his back. Whirling around, he eyed Sirius and James, who stood a little back, grinning maliciously.  
  
"We've got a deal for you, Snivellus. Since you seem so anxious to join our fan club," Sirius began pleasantly, with a grin at the jealous look on Snape's face at the words "fan club," "James and I have decided to give you a...treat... for being our greatest friend..."  
  
James laughed openly at this. Several teachers looked around; Sirius shook his head at James warningly though his eyes swam with tears of laughter. They both knew Snape had clearly understood what they meant by wanting to join their fan club and Snape's ensuing expression was hilarious.  
  
"So if you're interested..." Sirius continued, barely able to talk for laughing, "you can come down to the Whomping Willow at 12 tonight."  
  
He and James walked off, laughing uproariously, leaving Snape staring resentfully after them. Lily frowned at them as they passed, wondering what new prank they were playing on Snape, but James didn't even glance at her.  
  
"What're you planning?" James asked finally, wiping tears off his face, as they headed to Herbology.  
  
"Oh, just telling him to take a trip down to the Shrieking Shack when our friend's down there," Sirius said in a perfectly serious voice that set them laughing again.  
  
James approved wholeheartedly of this idea, though they both agreed that it would not work if they told Remus beforehand.  
  
The longer James thought about it, however, the more he did NOT like it. He had noticed the frown on Lily's face as she watched them return from Snape's table, though he had given no indication of noticing, and now he began to wonder if she really liked Snape better than him.  
  
Maybe getting rid of Snape would cause her some pain, and that was the last thing James wanted to do. He finally decided, at eleven that night, that he would not let Sirius do this thing, but realized that Sirius had already gone down to tell Snape.  
  
Hurrying into his clothes, he ran all the way down and saw two shadowy shapes moving by the base of the Whomping Willow.  
  
Pounding his feet furiously against the hard grass, he ran towards them but was too late; one of the figures had vanished into the tunnel under the frozen Willow's, leaving the other one laughing delightedly outside.  
  
James charged past a shocked Sirius without a word, and dashed in after Snape. Spotting his robes billowing a few feet ahead he dived and grasped the end of them.  
  
Snape turned snarling, and seeing James pulled out his wand, clearly thinking it some sort of trap. James jumped to his feet and pulled Snape bodily backwards but Snape kicked out and caught James in the chin, sending him flying backward.  
  
Snape sneered and turned around but James shouted, "Snape! Come on, we have to get out NOW!"  
  
Snape paused, hearing the panic in James' voice, then started forward again, took a pace or two and stopped, terrified.  
  
Standing on all fours in front of him was what was clearly, a werewolf.  
  
James grabbed the stunned Snape's arm and dragged him back out of the tunnel. Snape lagged, clearly petrified at the sight of the imminent danger, so finally, James pushed him forward and telling him to run, transformed into a stag.  
  
Snape watched shocked, as James the stag leapt forward to stop the werewolf's mad rush at Snape, then regaining his senses, dashed out of the tunnel.  
  
James chased Remus back to the Shrieking Shack, butting him with his antlers, then galloped the length of the tunnel, only reforming when he reached the last 10 meters.  
  
Snape was sitting, pale and sweaty, at the base of the Whomping Willow.  
  
Sirius, who looked thoroughly disappointed, was staring into the thrashing branches of the Willow. When James emerged, he turned angrily to berate him for spoiling their joke, but seeing the cuts on James's face, and the great gash on his neck where he had received the blow meant for Snape, hurried towards him, concerned.  
  
"It-doesn't-work," James gasped, gritting his teeth against the pain.  
  
"What doesn't?" Sirius asked worriedly, looking him over for possible hidden injuries.  
  
"Can't...run...with....Remus...without...getting hurt...was...really angry..."  
  
Sirius nodded a little disappointedly then helped him stand; the two were heading slowly to the hospital wing when Snape hurried after them to ask in a shocked voice, "THAT...that THING...was REMUS?"  
  
Sirius looked at him for the first time, his lip curling, and he flexed his fingers angrily before walking off again. Snape stared after them. He didn't need their confirmation; he had seen Madam Pomfrey lead Remus Lupin down that tunnel at the full moon last month.  
  
That meant...Remus was a werewolf!  
  
Snarling in remembrance of how close he had gotten to being bitten, he took out his wand, aimed it at Sirius and said, "Locomotor Mortis!"  
  
Sirius keeled over, rigid, and Snape muttered, "Mobilicorpus!" so that Sirius hung like a corpse in the air, unconscious.  
  
Then he hurried to James, and glaring contemptuously at him as he dragged himself painfully along, completely ignored the wounds that were all bleeding severely, and putting a thin shoulder under James's arm, helped him inside; Sirius floated, ghost-like, behind them.  
  
James wondered at this strange treatment...until Snape marched straight up to the Headmaster's office and kicked the door.  
  
Nothing happened, to James' intense relief.  
  
Snape let go of him as he pulled out his wand again, and James sank to the floor in agony. Snape let loose a stream of curses that caused the ceiling to crash around them, but still nothing happened.  
  
James, who had gotten half-buried in the falling rocks lay, breathing shallowly, watching Snape through narrowed eyes.  
  
Snape could feel his scorn from where he stood, and he envied James, that he should be so near death as it were, and could still feel such powerful hatred towards him.  
  
Snape stood still a moment, then sent a white burst of light at the door, which blinded them both for a moment. Then as the light vanished, the door materialized. It was still intact.  
  
The latest spell had, however, managed to attract Professor McGonagall's attention, who hurried forward toward Snape angrily.  
  
"Severus Snape! What are you doing at the headmaster's door at 1 in the morning! And...why...who...what..."  
  
She pointed feebly at Sirius, still hanging in midair, unconscious, then hurried towards him and muttered, "Revivo," at which Sirius sprang to life, unhurt.  
  
Sirius barely noticed who had freed him; he hurried to where James was coughing, buried in rock.  
  
Professor McGonagall shrieked at the sight of James, buried in rock, coughing, and choking blood all over, his face and neck entirely covered in blood. Waving her wand, she muttered "Reparo!" and the ceiling flew back together, leaving James lying in a pool of his own blood.  
  
"James Potter!" she cried in a shocked voice. "Sirius, take him up to the hospital wing immediately." Then, conjuring up a stretcher, she magicked James onto it, and Sirius hurried it out and away to the hospital wing.  
  
Turning to Snape, she shrieked in disgust, "Is this your doing?"  
  
Snape started to speak in a surly voice, but she cut him off.  
  
"Enough! 50 points from Slytherin and two weeks' worth of detentions! I have never SEEN such violence! We're going straight to the headmaster!"  
  
Snape brightened a bit but realized that McGonagall thought HE had hurt James so badly.  
  
"It wasn't me, it was Remus, I mean a werewolf," he began earnestly and urgently, but McGonagall hurried him to the door, barked, "Chocolate Frog!" and the door sprang open.  
  
Pushing him inside and onto a spiraling staircase, she followed as the door closed shut behind them. 


	7. Renewed Interest?

Disclaimer: This is going to be a long fic and I think I'll just say right now that this applies to all following chapters: All characters belong to J. K. Rowling, not me and I don't mean to steal any of her queenly dividends only her fame. No, really, I wouldn't want that either. So just get on with it!  
  
Chapter 7: Renewed Interest?  
  
The following morning, Sirius met Remus anxiously in the Great Hall to inform him of the previous night's events. Remus swore he had bit no one, so James was not in any danger. (It was rather amazing but Remus harbored no real anger against Sirius for his foolish actions, though he DID refuse to talk directly to him for a week.)  
  
James was lying, pale and still, in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey had cleaned up and healed all his wounds but the biggest one, and he had taken potions that would cure his crushed ribs.  
  
Sirius and Remus went to see him before breakfast, and found Professor Albus Dumbledore already there, talking seriously to him.  
  
Sirius hurried forward a little angrily.  
  
"You can't interrogate him Professor! He's still not well!" Then in an attempt to be a little politer, "I can tell you anything you need to know, anything, that is," he added darkly, "that Snape hasn't already told you."  
  
Dumbledore looked up and surveyed him through his half-moon spectacles.  
  
"That won't be necessary, Mr. Black. James has already given me an account of his events and though he WILL insist that all these injuries are from a combination of Snape and the Whomping Willow, I think, in light of the brave deeds performed by James last night, that any punishment will be foregone."  
  
James sighed in relief and even Sirius's grim expression lightened somewhat. "I must impress upon you however," Dumbledore continued, his eyes on Sirius now, "that any more attempts to use your friendship with Remus to others' detriment will result in your expulsion next time. You have been saved this time by your friend's quick thinking. You will not be so lucky next time."  
  
He stood up and walked out, leaving Sirius with his mouth hanging open.  
  
"You didn't tell him?" Sirius asked, half accusingly, half delightedly, airily brushing aside Dumbledore's grave warning – of course, Sirius would never do such a thing again; he had seen how it had mangled his best mate up, hadn't he? And Sirius would do anything but put James in real danger.  
  
James shook his head weakly. "And he believed you, without knowing of our being Animagi? Hell, that must have been some story you told."  
  
After a second, he whistled admiringly. "The Whomping Willow!" he shouted with a laugh. "You got that slice on your neck from a tree! Man, James, why didn't you watch out for that tree?!" he added, roaring with laughter. Madam Pomfrey glared at him; Sirius ignored her.  
  
James started to laugh as well, then clutching his ribs, stopped.  
  
"I was pretty mad that you ran in after Snape, but you saved our skins," Sirius said gratefully. Messing up James' hair for him, Sirius headed downstairs, still laughing over the latest escape.  
  
* * *  
  
When James reappeared in school on Monday, holding his shoulders a little stiffly and with a bandage around his neck, Snape looked livid.  
  
He glared angrily at James, who started to get painfully to his feet, eager to mete out his revenge for trying to get him expelled, when a concerned voice at his shoulder asked, "What happened to you?"  
  
Halfway to his feet, James turned around impatiently and seeing the dark- red head of Lily, sat back down again, with a last glance at Snape, who looked furious that Lily was talking to James again.  
  
"Why're you talking to me?" James asked grumpily. "I thought you hated me."  
  
Lily looked surprised but only said, "I don't HATE you. I just don't like the way you act sometimes. What happened?" she asked again, and this time, James replied, with a surly glance at Snape, "Your little mate there decided to make me save his stinking life, that's all."  
  
Lily looked confused then catching his glance at Snape, repeated, "My little mate?" Then she added, a little wearily, "What nonsense are you talking about NOW?"  
  
James didn't respond but saw her eyeing Snape with dislike in her eyes. His heart began to race but he said nothing.  
  
"He did that to you?" she asked finally. Before James could respond, she said impatiently, "Don't be thick. He CAN'T do that to YOU."  
  
James heard the slight emphasis on "you" and flushed a little. "He can't, you're right," James said coolly.  
  
Lily blinked in surprise, looking down at him. His eyes were twinkling mischievously and he was grinning at her.  
  
"Fine, don't tell me HOW it happened. WHAT happened?" she tried.  
  
"You care what happens to me?" James asked casually, almost a throwaway question.  
  
"Of course," Lily said quickly, thinking she was finally close to finding out the truth.  
  
James grinned at her unconscious admission and said, "Sirius here," nodding slightly at Sirius who looked not the slightest bit remorseful, "decided to play a joke on Snape for being an annoying, cheating git," he explained, with a grin, "but I decided at the last minute not to go through with it and ended up saving the idiot's life," he finished.  
  
There was a pause. Lily stared at Snape, then sucked in her breath. "His LIFE?" she asked, sounding shocked. James nodded, a little anxious, though he covered it entirely.  
  
"Why weren't you expelled?" she asked suddenly stern.  
  
"Probably 'cause Dumbledore thought I was awfully brave to play the hero, you know..." James said, with a grin, messing up his hair despite the pain he knew would ensue from moving his arm.  
  
Lily laughed at his self-satisfied expression. "Hero," she asked teasingly. "You?"  
  
James, realizing she was joking, merely grinned and said, "The things we great people have to put up with, eh?" exchanging pretend-modest looks with Sirius.  
  
Lily looked highly amused and James, eager to continue a conversation with her in which either he or she wasn't shouting, pushed back his chair and picked up his bag.  
  
"You done?" he asked, inclining his head as much as his bandage would allow, to indicate the breakfast table. Lily nodded and they walked towards the doors.  
  
Once they reached the entrance hall, she asked seriously, "How DID you get hurt?"  
  
James frowned a little at her but looked more thoughtful than angry. He started to put his arm around her shoulders under the pretext of explaining the whole story to her but winced, and decided not to.  
  
"I can't say," he said finally. "Sirius'd kill me."  
  
Lily frowned. The entire conversation had been a waste. Unable to keep the disappointment out of her voice she turned to go up the marble staircase and said over her shoulder, "Fine. I don't need to know and I don't CARE!"  
  
James watched her go, a little troubled, but not overly worried. Not knowing that Lily's entire conversation had taken place merely out of her curiosity to find out how James got hurt, he remained optimistic as he stood looking after her. 


	8. A Dose of His Own Medicine

Chapter 8: A Dose of His Own Medicine  
  
Severus Snape was furious. Not only had Potter, Black and Lupin managed to LIE their way out of their just punishments, he, Severus, had two weeks worth of detentions.  
  
The sight of Potter, perfectly happy and none-the-worse for his adventure two nights before only incensed Severus further. True, Potter couldn't laugh without clutching his ribs with a wince and he couldn't properly turn his head because of his bandage, but his continued good humor made Severus snarl and clutch his wand every time Potter passed; it was only the constant presence of Potter's filthy sidekicks that prevented him from spouting out some of his favorite curses, and Severus knew quite a few.  
  
Severus had also noticed the annoyingly innocent mudblood, Evans, talking to Potter at breakfast, saw him showing off for her sake, saw the concern in her expression as she looked at Potter, worse still, the hatred in her face as she glanced sideways at him, Severus. Severus knew, at once, upon catching that glance that he could not interfere with Potter's happiness in that way, anymore.  
  
The last time Severus saw Potter that day was at dinner. Not anxious to pick a fight with him under the noses of his admirers, Severus waited for Potter and Black to finish eating then hurried into the entrance hall as Black pulled Potter to his feet and they headed towards the double doors.  
  
Severus melted into the shadows, waiting. He heard the door open and slam shut then heard Black muttering something that made them both laugh. Severus watched with glee as Potter, who had roared with laughter a minute before, now clutched his ribs with his teeth gritted.  
  
His grim smile faded a few seconds later as he heard a third voice that he recognized as Evans' ask something in a concerned voice. Potter said something and Black and Evans laughed, while Potter grinned broadly instead.  
  
DAMN! Severus thought. He wasn't sure he wanted to challenge Potter in the present company and had decided to let him pass when he saw Black nudge Potter and jerk his head at the shadowed corner where Severus stood.  
  
* * *  
  
James smiled grimly, a revengeful light leaping in his eyes. Lily looked confused until James called, "HIDING, Snivellus?" and a black-robed figure stepped into the light, snarling.  
  
"No, James, don't," Lily moaned, clutching James' arm and trying to pull him away, but he shook off her hand and moved forward eagerly, Sirius at his side.  
  
"We're getting tired of you, SNIVELLUS," James began conversationally.  
  
"You failed to get your just rewards last Saturday and what's more, you also failed to die of FRIGHT," Sirius added scornfully.  
  
Snape's face flushed and his eyes glinted angrily.  
  
"If I hadn't saved your stinking skin..." James trailed off, sighing at the opportunity they had lost.  
  
"I don't need YOUR help," Snape snarled, pulling out his wand.  
  
"And we could do without YOUR ugly face butting in OUR affairs," Sirius said grimly. Snape's face went brick red, knowing that Sirius knew Snape knew what Sirius had been talking about.  
  
James eyed him thoughtfully. Sirius had pulled out his wand by now and was fingering it, his face tense, his eyes slits. James put out his hand and pushed Sirius's wand away from where it had been pointing at Snape's face.  
  
With a slight smile at Sirius, who was startled but knew James too well to show it, he said, calmly, "Not know, Padfoot, my friend. Poor Snivellus here already has TWO WEEKS of detentions," he added, pretending to sigh sympathetically.  
  
Snape seemed to have reached his limit at James's latest taunt about his detentions. His hand clutched his wand rather nervously as he raised it to point straight at James and shouted, "Impedimenta!" but James had already whipped out his wand, wincing, and drawled, "Protego!"  
  
Snape was blasted off his feet and thrown against a marble pillar from where he slumped to the floor.  
  
"How many TIMES do I have to teach you not to cheat?" James asked coldly. "I'll take you on anytime...after you've done your detentions. 8'o'clock," he added, tapping his watch. "McGonagall will be waiting..."  
  
He turned to go, only allowing himself to grimace after turning his face away from Snape's. "I'll take you on NOW!" shouted an angry voice from behind James.  
  
James whirled around, pain instantly forgotten. Snape had gotten to his feet and stood with his wand pointing straight at James.  
  
Instinctively James ducked, feeling something hot graze his head. He put a hand on his hair; it was slightly singed.  
  
"I-thought-I-said-I-don't-LIKE-it-when-you-do-that," James said through gritted teeth, a hot, angry light in his eyes as he moved menacingly towards Snape. "NEVER do that AGAIN!" he added, glaring at Snape through narrowed eyes.  
  
Raising his wand he muttered something, and a white jet of light shot out of his wand and hit Snape directly in the chest. James, who had ducked Snape's second, impotent spell, watched grimly as Snape toppled over, nearly lifeless.  
  
Sirius let out a laugh like a bark and clapping James carefully on the shoulder, started to help James, who was grimacing horribly, forward when a voice shouted, "James!"  
  
Turning slowly and painfully around, James saw Lily, still standing near where James had been, white-faced, shocked. "What did you do to him?" she asked, horrorstruck. "Is he...-?"  
  
"No," Sirius said grimly. "No such luck," he added, looking amused at Lily's concern. "Only knocked out," he finished, more cheerfully.  
  
"Why-why..." Lily turned to James pleadingly.  
  
James messed up his hair rather ruefully; he had not remembered Lily had been there all along nor, he had to admit, would he have expected her to act so, if he had.  
  
"Come on, Evans, you wouldn't want me to just sit down and take that from him, would you?" he asked defensively. "OR from ANYone else," he said aggressively, when Lily said nothing.  
  
She shook her head despairingly and for the first time he noticed there were tears in her eyes. He moved towards her and put a hand reassuringly on her shoulder.  
  
"Look, he DESERVED what he got," James said, anxious to redeem himself to Lily, to explain his actions, defend himself.  
  
"More," Sirius said in a rather violent tone. Lily still looked unconvinced and now James said, slightly desperate to regain her favour, "Lily...just- just forget it...don't waste your time worrying about HIM..."  
  
This, apparently, was not what Lily had wanted him to say. Having observed James coolly knocking Snape unconscious and to now have him as coolly try to dismiss the incident stunned Lily and revealed to her a side of James she had never seen before...and did not like.  
  
She was horrified to think that, half an hour ago, she had actually found herself laughing at one of James's jokes and had not discouraged his usual attempts to show off for her.  
  
Lily took an unsteady step away from him. She pointed a shaky hand at him but her voice was clear as she said, "You are not who I thought you were," accusingly. Then she turned and ran up the staircase, her feet slapping the cool tiles unrelentingly as she ran away from him. 


	9. Unwanted Revelations

A/N: Good reviews, more always welcome. As for adding more Remus, sorry but I already wrote this and am just posting it in installments so I can tell you right now there's very little Remus. Sorry. I can try to add later. We'll see. See how you like this.  
  
Chapter 9: Unwanted Revelations  
  
The next day, after Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall called James and Sirius back.  
  
They were nearly the last to leave; Lily was waiting for Hestia, who had lost her head on the exam they had just had, much to Sirius's amusement, and had turned a woodchuck into 100 bees instead of a butterfly.  
  
Now she was busy stunning them and stuffing them one by one into a glass jar. Lily would have helped but a bee had, most unfortunately, stung Professor McGonagall on the nose, causing her to shriek and give Hestia detention.  
  
"You will de-bug this room immediately!" she had shrieked as the class ran for cover still clutching their half-transfigured woodchucks. "Alone, Miss Evans!" she snapped at Lily, who had stunned a few bees on her way out. Now Lily stood, returned from the classroom where they had finished their exam, waiting for Hestia.  
  
Lily looked up curiously as Professor McGonagall barked for "Potter and Black" to stay a moment after class. Lily saw that Professor McGonagall was looking at James and Sirius and quickly made a few bees zoom into the jar.  
  
"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black," Professor McGonagall began sternly, gazing at them over the rims of her spectacles. "I thought it might be of interest to you that Severus Snape failed to arrive for his first detention yesterday."  
  
She paused, expecting a reply but James and Sirius hardly glanced at each other before turning innocent faces on her. She gave a little sigh and said, "Snape told me this morning that he had been jinxed by you, Potter, aided by you," nodding at Sirius, "and that it was only by the timely arrival of another Slytherin who escorted him to the hospital wing, that he...SURVIVED."  
  
Lily, who had looked up sharply at the sound of Snape's name, gave a little gasp. Professor McGonagall broke off and looked over at Lily inquiringly. Sirius whirled around, staring at Lily; James turned more slowly but looked apprehensive.  
  
"You KNOW something of this, Miss Evans?" she asked surprised.  
  
Lily looked startled at the question but recovered quickly and unconsciously glancing at James, she muttered, "No...no."  
  
Professor McGonagall eyed her pale face for a minute, having noted Lily's quick glance at James. Professor McGonagall nodded then turned back to James and Sirius.  
  
"As I was saying, he told me as much this morning and given your past history, I am inclined to believe him. Now, ordinarily, I would give the matter no thought, though I will say, Gryffindor has never HAD such a pair of troublemakers," James and Sirius grinned, "for I assume he attacked you back or tried to. However, I have it from Madam Pomfrey herself that the spell that knocked Snape unconscious was, as she put it, 'too extreme for a schoolboy fight.' Therefore I will warn you, Potter, to restrain yourself if you wish to remain at Hogwarts hereafter. If I hear of any more unwarranted attacks on Snape or anyone, you will receive more than a week of detentions and 20 points from Gryffindor each; you will be expelled."  
  
"It WASN'T unwarranted!" Sirius said indignantly, just as James cried, "A WEEK of detention? But Professor, it isn't-"  
  
"I do not want any further excuses. You both will report for a week of detentions, beginning today, and you have lost Gryffindor house 20 points each." She looked down at her papers, dismissing James and Sirius, who turned angrily away and toward the door.  
  
James stopped where Lily was helping Hestia gather together the Stunned bees and winked drolly. She turned away and pointed at another bee when a sharp voice cut in. "Miss Evans! I TOLD you not to help her! Two days of detention starting tonight!" Professor McGonagall. barked angrily before swishing past them sternly.  
  
Lily's mouth fell open and she stared at the receding back of the teacher for a disbelieving second before exclaiming, "Detention? For helping you clean up?!" she added angrily to Hestia.  
  
Hestia looked up then looked down and muttered, "I'm in the middle of an exam, remember?" Lily looked at Hestia's bent head furiously as though longing to throw something at her before rounding on James, who had still not left.  
  
"This is all your fault!" she stormed. "You almost killed him and you expect me to save your neck?!"  
  
"I didn't," James said with a grin. Lily ignored this knowing it would be impossible to explain why she had, upon gazing into James' eyes, decided to lie.  
  
"Detention!" she said suddenly. "And with you! I'd rather she took off points from Gryffindor!" Then she reddened, realizing, by the fleeting stricken look on James' face, that she had said the last aloud. "I didn't mean that," she said quickly.  
  
"Sure you did," James said easily. Lily looked at him confused and saw the same light in his eyes as she had seen the night she had gotten upset at him for jinxing Snape. She stepped back uncertainly, not able to reconcile his look and his tone, aware that Hestia was watching interestedly and Sirius uninterestedly. She opened her mouth but shut it again, even more confused by the slight smile on James' face.  
  
"Why're you so surprised?" James asked, still in the same mocking voice. "I always knew you thought I was a, what was it?, oh, yeah, an 'arrogant, bullying toerag.'"  
  
Lily flinched, hating the mocking note in his voice, and astounded that he had remembered what she had called him in fifth year but said bravely, "I don't think you're so bad ANYMORE," looking a little confusedly into James' eyes.  
  
"Anymore?" James repeated skeptically. "Well, I don't HATE you anymore," Lily tried to explain.  
  
"But you don't like me," James stated coolly.  
  
Lily didn't answer but looked pleadingly at James. "What're you doing this for?" she asked, in a troubled voice, then said softly, "I don't want to hurt you."  
  
Hearing the obvious pity in her voice, James's keen eyes grew cool and he growled, "I don't want your pity."  
  
"Well, then, not...usually," Lily said unhappily, not looking into his eyes.  
  
"When, UNusually?" he questioned, a little heartened by her answer.  
  
Lily shrugged, a little scared by his hard, impersonal tone. When James continued to scrutinize her she wailed, "James, I don't know!"  
  
James seemed to be thinking deeply. Finally, he shook his head thoughtfully and walked slowly down the aisle and out the door, only saying in a whisper, "See you tonight, Evans."  
  
Hestia stood up as Sirius disappeared behind James, her mouth open. "JAMES POTTER?" she asked in an awed voice, having finally found out what Lily had so desperately tried to hide from her. "Lily...I don't know..." she said with a slight smirk, completely justifying all of Lily's fears. 


	10. Enlightenment

A/N: NP, you are too smart. Good spotting! 

Wind-Whisperer: More Hestia…well, I'll try to work in a chapter somewhere. Thanks for the comments. There will _definitely _be more Hestia vs. Sirius…but I'm sorry for you if you like Hestia because she's a very minor character in this fic, sorry…

Note that chapters are going to get significantly longer, hope that's a good thing…;)

BTW, I encourage all of you to check out my other fic, Seeking; the reviews say it's just as great as this one ;) 

Chapter 10: Enlightenment 

James remained deep in thought throughout the rest of the day. Sirius attempted to shake him out of it several times but when even Snape's name failed to snap him out of his reverie, Sirius gave up. 

They headed for their detentions after dinner, meeting Snape and Lily, glaring in opposite directions, in Professor McGonagall's office. Snape's frown became the usual sneer when he saw James but Lily visibly brightened, looking relieved to see him. He nodded at her, though didn't smile, and she relaxed a little, having been worried about the effect of her words that morning. 

A minute later, Professor McGonagall walked in, and told them they would be helping the caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, guard a corridor on the fifth floor. 

Lily turned pale; she hated Pringle. James and Sirius exchanged excited looks, anything that needed four people to guard had to be interesting. Sirius looked rather relieved that they did not have to enter the Forbidden Forest as they had, once, last year. Snape showed no emotion, except his usual sneer, at the thought of four people guarding one floor.

"Follow me, then," she said, and holding only their wands, the four followed. They marched in silence to the fifth floor; Lily noticed that James and Sirius seemed to know the way very well: they walked in front and disappeared through tapestries and hidden doors without even thinking. Snape's scowl grew more pronounced as he sullenly followed James, forced to admit, several times, that he was lost where James was not. 

They arrived at the fifth floor, five minutes before nine, owing to a shortcut of Sirius's. Pringle arrived three minutes later, wheezing and panting, having walked up five flights of stairs. Professor McGonagall nodded at him and left, leaving the four of them gripping their wands a little nervously.         

A leer suffused Pringle's face as he held up his ancient lantern and shined the light into their faces, one by one. 

"Sirius Black…of course, and James Potter…you must be Severus Snape…and…who's this…_Lily Evans_?" he finished in some surprise, looking down at the list to search for the final name. "Should I even _ask_ why _you_'re in detention with troublemakers like _them_?" he said, turning to stare at James and Sirius again. "I knew I'd be seeing _you_ sooner or later," he added staring at James and Sirius, who seemed not the least concerned. "It's been nearly a month since you got detention…been getting suspicious…"

Lily's eyes widened; James grinned. 

"You're going to be patrolling the corridor before that door," he said, pointing to a heavily bolted thick wooden door. "And don't even _think_ of opening it, it'ssealed with more than locks," he added maliciously to James and Sirius, having guessed the reason for the quick glance the two had shot at the door then at each other. James grinned again and Sirius let out a laugh; they both had had enough detentions with Pringle to be unsurprised when he guessed their intentions. 

"Ok, you three, down that hall," he said, pointing at the corridor that led up to door. "Snape and me are going this way," he said, pointing down a dimly lit corridor to the left of the door. 

Clapping his hand on the scrawny shoulder of Snape, who looked sweaty at the thought of having to spend four hours alone with Pringle, he turned towards the corridor, wand out. "And don't go _near_ that door," Pringle shouted after James and Sirius. 

James grinned at Sirius; they had never had such an interesting detention. The three of them started walking slowly down the corridor. Lily looked surprised but said nothing when, once Pringle's footsteps receded, James and Sirius headed straight for the door. They stopped in front of it to examine the lock. 

"'_Alohomora' _ought to work," Sirius said in a low voice. Even through the dim light of their wands, Lily could tell that James and Sirius both looked excited. 

"_Alohomora_?" James scoffed. "Don't be thick, you heard what Pringle said." 

Turning to Lily, James explained, "We know Pringle inside out. Well, we should, seeing as we've had so many detentions with him," he added as an afterthought, grinning. 

"Anyway, Pringle. He tries to scare you, but he _never _lies." 

Then he smiled down at her and said, "You're real good luck, Evans. Me and Sirius haven't had a detention like this since second year when we got to guard the entrance to the Room of-" he broke off at a sharp glance from Sirius. 

"Well, a secret chamber," James finished. Turning to the door again, he asked over his shoulder, "Don't you wish you had detention all week like us?" 

Sirius, who had been intently examining the door and had not been paying much attention to the conversation, looked up suddenly. Seeing James still talking to Lily, he growled, "Save it for later, Prongs." 

James grinned and moved over to where Sirius was bent over the lock. "You're right, _'Alohomora'_ ought to work," he said, peering into the keyhole. 

He started to tap the doorknob with his wand before Lily's voice cut in, "You're going to _open _it?" 

Sirius looked slightly annoyed as he said, "Of course. Did you think we were going to waste three hours on something we don't even know about?" 

Lily frowned at his tone and said, "That's not what I meant. You're just going to open it, without even finding out what might be inside?" 

James paused; it was a valid point. "The wood's pretty thick," he said, knocking on it with his knuckles. 

"It's not wood," Lily said, and James realized that the _thonk_ing sound he heard was not the sound of a knock on wood. James looked at Sirius excitedly. 

"What," Sirius asked eagerly, "kind of door _pretends_ to be made of _wood_? It's the easiest to break through-" 

"What if it's something that reacts when burned? I mean, the easiest way to get through wood is to burn it, right, so what if it _turns on_ or something, when you set fire to the door, setting off some kind of alarm?" James added enthusiastically. 

They both unconsciously turned to Lily to see what she had to say, and the sight of her looking highly unconvinced by their quick explanations brought them a step back. "Well, maybe not," James said, thinking a little harder. 

"The only thing _I _can think of at Hogwarts that needs constant surveillance would be something of Dumbledore's," Lily said, speaking for the first time. 

Sirius turned to look at her, astonished. "She could be right, you know," he said, slowly, "I bet whatever's in there is Dumbledore's." 

"Or there on Dumbledore's orders," Lily added, a much more likely possibility, James was quick to realize. 

"But what would Dumbledore want guarded so carefully?" he asked, messing up his hair frustratedly, only able to come up with crazy ideas, each more far-fetched than the last. 

"Isn't it obvious?" Lily asked, a hint of impatience in her voice; James heard it and looked up startled then noticed that Lily did not appear to be thinking very hard at all; in fact, she was leaning comfortably against the door with her arms crossed. 

"No, it isn't," Sirius said, not liking the inferior position he found himself in. "So if you know, just tell us," he added, annoyed. 

Lily smiled at his impatience and said, "_I _think it's something the resistance against You-Know-Who has, that You-Know-Who wants." 

There was complete silence for a moment, and Lily reddened and said hastily, "It was just an idea…" when James interrupted, "The Order of the Phoenix! The name of the resistance movement you were talking about," he added in response to Lily's puzzled look. "It makes perfect sense! Dumbledore's in charge of it; he founded it, my dad told me. It's a secret organization against You-Know-Who, only people who are in it know about it. My parents are both in it and they told me a bit." 

"And this could be something-," Sirius said excitedly. 

"Exactly," James declared. They both laughed at the look on Lily's face; they finished each other's thoughts so often but were used to the accompanying confusion and exasperation of their other friends. 

"Something the Order of the Phoenix wants to keep safe," Lily said, catching on quickly. 

James grinned and added, "And what better place to keep it than Hogwarts, where Dumbledore rules!" 

"But-" Sirius said gravely. 

"Dumbledore forgot one thing-" James continued. 

"What's that?" Lily asked, a little alarmed. 

"_Nothing_'s safe at Hogwarts-" Sirius said, with a mischievous smile.

"With _us_ around," James finished, with a smirk to match Sirius's.

Lily, who had been prepared for some major flaw in Dumbledore's plan, was so relieved that she laughed before she could stop herself. Instantly, James and Sirius's smiles vanished and they dived silently away from the door, jumping as far away as they could, pulling Lily with them, to land, catlike, nearly six feet away. 

Then they resumed their patrolling, wands up. Sirius walked opposite them and James walked with Lily, explaining quietly, "Pringle's got ears like a bat, see? Don't want to make any noise." 

Lily nodded and whispered, "Sorry." 

James laughed softly and putting his arm around her shoulders, whispered, "You're almost as good as Sirius and me at this kind of thing." 

Lily smiled, and whispered back, "I'd say better."

Sirius wandered over, careful not to appear as though he came for any important reason, knowing full well that Pringle could be watching them from some shadowy corner. 

"What _I_ don't get," he said conversationally, "is why we've got to guard it for our detention." 

"I've seen teachers up here every hour of the day," Lily was quick to reply. "We probably relieved someone, maybe McGonagall. We've got to stay up anyway so she might as well sleep, I guess." 

"Why guard something when it's already safe inside Hogwarts?" James wondered, but Lily asked Sirius suddenly, "What about your parents? Are they in the Order of the Phoenix too?"

Sirius looked surprised by her question. "I'm a Black," he said laconically, staring at her. Lily didn't appear to have understood his cryptic statement, so he added, "Every Black except me has been in Slytherin." 

Lily's eyes widened at this; even she knew You-Know-Who and every Dark witch or wizard to attend Hogwarts had once been in Slytherin. "How come you're in Gryffindor?" she asked. 

James, who had been keeping his eyes peeled for sign of Pringle, shot her a sharp glance then seeing that she was merely curious, and not accusing Sirius of anything, turned his head to see Sirius's face.

Sirius appeared to be thinking; his face had a faraway look as though he was mentally going back in time to his first year. "Guess it's 'cause I met James," he said finally, with a grin. He had also noted that Lily was only curious and so had given the matter some thought as a valid question. The only reason he could remember was because he had met James Potter, and befriended him, before any other of his parents' friends' kids. 

"James' parents were good," he explained, "so James was good. And we became friends the moment we met, so I got into Gryffindor, because I fell in with good company from the beginning," he finished shrugging. "It's why Hestia doesn't like me. Part of the reason, anyway," he amended. "Other part's 'cause she plain hates the trouble me and James get up to," he said unconcernedly. "Funny, she doesn't hate _James_ though," he added, glancing at Lily with a strange expression on his face. 

James quickly shook his head and Sirius grinned and turned back to Lily. 

"Your friend's met my brother, see," he said coolly. "And he's a real Black," he informed her. "So now she expects me to be one, and I'm not, so…there you go," he finished, indifferently. 

"You have a brother?" Lily asked, surprised. 

Sirius nodded. "Regulus Black." 

"Regulus _Black_? He's _your_ brother?" 

Sirius nodded again. Glancing rather nervously at Sirius, she stammered, "I-I didn't know." 

Sirius looked taken aback at her suddenly tense expression. Then he seemed to understand and he said quickly and reassuringly, "I hate him as much as you do." 

Lily looked astonished at this, so Sirius continued, "I hate them all, my parents, Regulus, nearly every Black that has ever been, 'cept a few. I ran away from home, you know," he added matter-of-factly. 

Lily looked relieved to hear this and said, "It's just that…I-I've met your…him…and he-he's not…very…_nice_." Sirius grinned, knowing her complaint with Regulus was not that he was not "nice." 

"He's an idiot," Sirius said calmly though there was no trace of his usual smile.

"You said you ran away from home?" Lily asked quickly, apparently anxious to change the subject. Sirius wondered what Regulus had said or done, for Lily to have such a bad opinion of him, then reminded himself that Regulus was a true Black and therefore, likely to have said and done a lot of despicable things. 

"I did," Sirius said, proudly. "One of the only Blacks ever to do so, also _the_ only Black ever to be in Gryffindor, again because of James' terrible influence," he said, grinning at James, who had begun to look put out at Lily's sudden fascination with Sirius's history. 

Lily laughed quietly and Sirius grinned. "James's name is mud in my house," he informed her. "'Cause the first thing Regulus wrote home when he came here three years ago was that my best friend was a Potter." 

"Yeah, and the Potters are a respectable wizarding family," James said, glad for a chance to enter the conversation. 

"What's left of them anyway," Sirius said quietly. 

"My parents and I are the only Potters left," James said in a subdued tone. "Everyone else was in the Order of the Phoenix, see? Killed, all of them, by Death Eaters." 

Lily winced and James sighed, serious for once. "It's really a losing battle our side's fighting, my dad says," he said. 

"My dad would say exactly the opposite," Sirius said grimly, and at Lily's amazed look added, "They're not most of them Death Eaters, but they're supporters of You-Know-Who." 

Lily looked sympathetic as she said, "No wonder you ran away." 

Sirius smiled cheerfully, not wanting any overly emotional display of sympathy. "I'm happy where I am," he said. 

"Which is?" 

"At James's place." 

"You went to James's house?" Lily asked incredulously. "And they- I mean, your parents were okay with that?" she asked James. 

"Hey, he's not Black at heart," James said, grinning at Sirius. "I'm an only kid and the only Potter left, other than my dad and mum; they would adopt _you_ if I asked them to," he added, smiling down at Lily.

Lily was temporarily distracted by this remark. "What's wrong with me?" she asked indignantly. 

"You're a girl, see?" James said easily, and left it at that. 

Lily blushed and said quickly, "This all started with the door, remember?" 

James and Sirius nodded, ruefully, and the three were strolling along silently, each wrapped in their own thoughts when Pringle strode up to them. Lily jumped as his voice sounded near her ear, and clutched James's arm nervously. 

Pringle shone his lantern into their faces, pausing to leer at Lily's startled expression. Lily loosened her hold on James' arm with a slight sigh, her heart still beating fast. 

"Tomorrow night, same time, same place," Pringle said then shooed them away from the corridor, where he continued to pace, alone. 

"We'd better do some serious thinking," James said as they walked quickly back to Gryffindor tower. "We only have a four days left," he added to Sirius. 

"And _I _only have _one_," Lily said disappointedly. 

James grinned at Sirius and said, "What's this, you _want_ detention?" 

Lily blushed but said defensively, "I want to know what's in there too." 

"There's not much Sirius and I can do during detention, you saw what Pringle's like," James pointed out, discouraged. "We'll have to go after midnight, once we're done with our detentions." 

"How do you know there's no watch after midnight?" Lily asked, skeptically. 

James frowned at this, then said, "We watch 24 hours for a week, and see when there's no one around. I'm _sure_ there's a time when everybody's busy or something." 

"Then Pringle will be there," Lily retorted. 

James face fell. "You're right, we can't _ever_ have that door to ourselves."

"Unless…" Sirius said slowly. 

"Unless what?" James and Lily said together, turning to stare at Sirius.

"Unless we distract Pringle tomorrow and figure out what's inside in detention tomorrow." 

"How do we distract _Pringle_?" James asked, frustrated. 

"She can do it," Sirius said, nodding at Lily. Lily stopped walking and James and Sirius stopped too and faced her. 

"I can do _what_, distract him?" Lily asked indignantly. 

"Go with him and Snape tomorrow and me and –"

"No!" Lily cried. "With him and _Snape_? That's _really_ detention! Besides, he gives me the creeps," she said, shuddering; Sirius wasn't exactly sure which 'he' scared Lily more.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Sirius," James said severely, putting his arm around Lily, who was pale at the very thought. 

Sirius shrugged then continued walking. A few minutes passed before Sirius realized that James and Lily were still talking and had not moved. He continued walking however, a little annoyed with James for not supporting him. 

The sound of footsteps behind him made him slow down, though he did not stop until James put his hand on Sirius's shoulder and said, "Hold on a second, mate." With a glance at Lily, who looked very unhappy, he said, in a rush, "She says she'll do it." 

Sirius finally stopped walking and turned to face Lily. "You mean it? You're not just saying that? You'll not change your mind tomorrow night?" 

Lily shook her head resolutely, but still looked very pale. Sirius noticed and snorted then began walking again, calling over his shoulder to James, "She'll end up collapsing of fright and be in the hospital wing tomorrow night and all our plans'll be ruined." 

Lily flushed and ran up to Sirius. Feeling a cold hand on his arm he turned around again. Lily's eyes were large and a little fearful, but she said determinedly, "I will not." 

Sirius looked down at her steadily for several seconds. Blushing under Sirius's intense scrutiny, she managed to say, "I won't back out tomorrow." Sirius completely ignored her comment, and gazed into her eyes for several seconds more before turning away impatiently. 

"You can't. You're scared of Pringle, you said so yourself," he began before James cut in roughly, "That's a bit harsh, mate. She's not scared of anything else in school and I know she can take a whole lot more than some of the others," but Sirius waved him aside. 

"None of that matters. We can't take a chance. Besides," he added, turning away disdainfully, "you don't have to agree because of James." 

"I _didn't_!" Lily said, finally roused. "Since when do I agree to things because of _James_?" she asked furiously, forgetting that James was still there. 

"True, you never have," Sirius remembered, with a grin that only served to incense Lily further. 

"I promise, I'll distract Pringle for you, tomorrow night!" she declared heatedly. Sirius merely grinned at her anger, and said nonchalantly, "We'll see, then." 

He turned to walk on but Lily caught his arm again. He turned to face her impatiently. 

"What now?" 

"If I distract Pringle tomorrow, as planned, you have to tell Hestia what you told me today," she said steadily, all anger evaporated, "about yourself." 

Lily's sympathetic nature had been stirred by Sirius's rather pitiful history and she longed to ease at least one of his troubles. Sirius's eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. 

"Please," Lily pleaded, no longer making any bet. "She has no idea…" 

Sirius had the unpleasant feeling that he was inducing pity in Lily and did not like it. 

"She doesn't _need_ to know," he growled. 

"Oh, but she _does_," Lily said fervently. "She wouldn't treat you so badly if she knew—" 

"Why don't you tell her?" Sirius barked, liking the involvement of a girl into their circle less and less. 

"She doesn't listen to me anymore," Lily said, ruefully. "She thinks I…uh…'condone your conduct,' I think it was, because you're best friends with James, and she's…uh…noticed," she added, with a quick glance at James, "that…um…James has been…kind of…well, you know…he's been James," she finished brightly, still gazing pleadingly at Sirius. 

"But it's true," Sirius said, no longer angry. "Everything she thinks is true, isn't it?" 

"No, not really," Lily said quickly. "I mean, it's not _really _because of James that you…you told me…," she trailed off, with an apologetic glance at James. 

"To tell you the truth, I don't give a damn _what_ Hestia thinks of me, so don't bother telling her the whole story," he said coolly. He was a little worried that the entire school would start pitying him if Lily spread the story. "And don't tell _any_one else," he added, a little anxiously. 

Lily smiled, knowing what Sirius was thinking and said, "Don't worry, I won't." 

Sirius stood a moment longer, staring at her, then said very gruffly, "Good," and walked on. 

They reached Gryffindor tower and firmly vowed to think hard about the door all the next day, before going up to bed.

~**~ 

Whew! Chapter's are getting longer! There's so much more happening and I just can't find a place to cut them off! So, questions, comments, concerns, go ahead and review!


	11. A Glow in the Dark

A/N: Another long chapter. I have so much to post that chapters will probably end up pretty long…the sooner I get it all out, the sooner I can write more. 

This chapter should be a nice read. Everything is entirely original (I didn't have fanfiction.net when I wrote it. Any questions (there probably will be) please ask, and review, of course! 

Chapter 11: A Glow in the Dark

Lily woke early the next morning, and went down to the common room. She thought hard for an hour about the door, and a little nervously, about how she could possibly, as James had put it, "distract _Pringle_." 

At a quarter to five, James came down, tired and disheveled. He threw himself down in an armchair and closed his eyes tiredly. Lily sat quietly for a few minutes then when she heard James sigh and knew he wasn't sleeping, asked, "Did you think of anything?"

James leapt to his feet, startling Lily. Then seeing Lily, he sat back down again and said weakly, "Don't _do_ that." 

Lily frowned slightly and stared critically at him. "Did you sleep at _all_?" 

James shook his head ruefully and leaned back in his chair again. "Did you?" 

"Did I what, sleep?" 

"No, think of anything?"

Lily shook her head frustratedly, then asked shrewdly, "Did _Sirius_ sleep?" 

James started, then said, "Yeah, why'd you ask?" His voice was casual but Lily noticed that he sat rather tensely, and when she scraped her shoe against the table leg, he jumped. 

"Just wondering," Lily said, shrugging. There was a moment's silence in which James leaned back, looking relieved. Then, suddenly she asked, "You were fighting, weren't you?"  
            

James eyes snapped open and he looked down at his sneakers rather guiltily, though he asked innocently, "Do I _look_ like I've been fighting?" 

Lily smiled then said, "You know what I mean. With Sirius." 

James flushed a little, then asked rather aggressively, "So what if I have?"

"Is that why you couldn't sleep?" Lily asked astutely. James nodded and looked embarrassed, but asked again, "So what if I've been fighting with Sirius?"  
  


Again, Lily ignored his question and asked, "And how many times have you two fought since you met?" 

James shrugged then admitted shamefacedly, "This is the first." Then apparently unable to bear the fierce scrutiny in Lily's gaze, burst out, "I mean, this is the first time we've _really_ fought; who doesn't get angry once in a while?"

Lily stared at him for a minute then asked slowly, "And _why _did you fight?"  
  


James sat up straighter, all signs of sleep gone from his tense, alert face. Then, "None of your business," he said roughly. 

Lily shook her head thoughtfully then said, "I think it _is _my business if you fight about me." 

James shot her a sharp glance but Lily looked merely apologetic for having caused trouble. Detecting no accusatory note in her voice, he said cautiously, "How do you _know_ we were fighting about you?" 

Lily frowned and said rather impatiently, "Nothing could _possibly _have happened between 12 last night and 5 this morning to make you fight." 

James nodded then said, changing tactics completely, "All right, so we did fight, and about you, but that's about all _you're_ going to find out so you can stop right there." 

Lily had opened her mouth halfway through, but now shut it again, looking surprised. She frowned reprovingly at James, who scowled back. Then she stood up suddenly. 

"Sirius'll tell me even if you won't." 

James jumped up, startled, then said quickly, "No, he wouldn't." 

Lily looked at him disdainfully. "Yes, he would," she insisted. "It's obvious that since you're the one feeling bad, you're the one who was wrong." Then seeing James opening his mouth furiously, she quickly closed her mouth. 

As expected, James had finally reached his limit and now words poured out of his mouth so fast that Lily could barely catch them. He had _not _been wrong, he had only been saying the truth and Sirius was too pitiless to realize it, he couldn't believe that she could even _think_ he had been wrong, couldn't believe she could be so ungrateful when all he'd try to do was try and save her— 

He broke off abruptly, then in response to her nonchalant, "What?" growled, "Nothing," before shutting his mouth firmly, glaring at her, aware that he had let slip more than he would have liked. Lily had let him rage for exactly this purpose and now that she had confirmed her suspicions that James had tried to arrange an easier job for her on the morrow's detention, turned and walked towards the dormitory. 

James thought she was leaving, and thought angrily that he didn't really care, though, of course, he did. He was surprised then, to see her open the door to the boys' dormitory instead and disappear inside. He bounded after her, and caught the door before it swung closed. He checked his watch as he leapt up the stairs three at a time: 5:25, hopefully nobody would be awake. 

Lily opened the door with "Sixth Years" on it, cautiously poked her head in, then noticing that everybody was asleep, crept inside quietly. She looked carefully around at the rumpled bed sheets then spotting a brown-black head, walked through the mess of clothes, books and quills on the floor near the bed. 

She stood for a few seconds, gazing down at Sirius's sleeping face, then sighed. She hated waking anybody up, and Sirius looked like he was fast asleep. She put out her hand, and blowing on it to make it a little warmer, put it gently on Sirius's cheek. 

He turned around uncomfortably then pushed her hand away restlessly. When his hand touched hers, some instinct of Sirius's seemed to kick in and he instantly clasped it in a vise-like grip. Lily gasped and tried to pull her hand away, but Sirius's grip, even in his sleep, was strangling. She pried her fingers loose one by one and shook his shoulder a little. Sirius muttered something about finding a key then his eyes snapped suddenly open as she shook his shoulder a little harder. 

He sat up instantly, not realizing who it was for a moment, and his hand darted immediately to the bedside table where his wand lay. His grip on it loosened in a minute, though, when he blinked several times and yawned then peered sleepily into Lily's eyes, their bright green seeming to wake him up completely. 

"What?" he asked urgently. "Is James all right?" 

Lily nodded hastily then with an uneasy glance around the room as someone stirred, said, "Nothing's wrong. I-I came to ask you why you and James fought last night." At his confused look, she added, "He's been down there since five this morning, and he looks like he hasn't slept all night either. I couldn't get him to say much but he said he fought with you…about…" Lily could not bring herself to say, "me." 

She blushed at Sirius's penetrating look as he sat up, muttering, "He _told_ you all that? Hell, enough is enough," before he stood up and stretched then nodded at her. "I'll be down in a minute." 

She smiled and ran back downstairs. Sirius stood by his bed a moment longer, wondering at the new turn of events that made _Lily_ mediator between _James_ and _him_, then yawned again before hunting for a clean sock in the mess around his bed.

*          *            *

Lily came back downstairs again, looking pleased with herself. James, who had returned downstairs, stared at her then asked grumpily, "He's coming, then, is he?" Lily nodded happily, and sank into a chair, hugging her knees to her chest against the early morning cold. 

James looked relieved but pointed his wand at the fireplace instead, lighting a fire to hide his face. Lily smiled at him, then the door opened slowly and Sirius walked in cautiously. 

He looked thankful that he had not interrupted anything; he had thought that Lily was rather concerned about James and thought she had had a sudden change of heart so now was glad to see her sitting in a chair, curling her toes by the fire thoughtfully. She did not turn around as Sirius came in, leaving Sirius to smile uncertainly at James, who was glowering at the same fire. 

"You-you didn't sleep…mate?" Sirius asked nervously. 

James flushed and glaring at Lily, who did not even notice, said, "Of course I slept," though his red eyes and frequent yawns contradicted him. 

"Look," Sirius said suddenly. "I'm- I'm sorry I yelled yesterday…," chancing a glance at Lily, who was deep in thought, "I just was…you know…annoyed…" 

James shrugged then said, without even bothering to check if Lily was listening, "'S my fault anyway. Shouldn't've been so…nice," he finished rather lamely. 

Sirius grinned and said, "You shouldn't have. Think _she _needs you to defend her?" he asked, inclining his head to indicate Lily. James flushed and shot her a sharp glance. Relieved that she hadn't been listening, he grinned back at Sirius, and shook his head, no. 

The sound of laughter brought Lily out of her reverie and she turned to them with a wide smile on her face. James grinned happily at her in thanks for making him and Sirius make up, but she didn't even seem to have noticed that they were both grinning at each other. 

"I've figured out how to get through the door," she announced triumphantly. 

James and Sirius whirled around and demanded at the same time: "You did?" They laughed then came and sat down in armchairs on either side of Lily and leaned forward eagerly as Lily uncrossed her legs and bent her head towards them excitedly. 

*          *            *

Lily thought it fortunate that James and Sirius were in every one of her classes that day; they talked near constantly about that night's detention. Both James and Sirius thought Lily's "plan" an excellent one and though Lily had, undeniably, the hardest part, she looked forward to it as eagerly as they did. 

Their last class was Potions. Hestia looked surprised but said nothing as James and Sirius followed Lily in and sat down at the same table. James leaned forward immediately to continue the conversation they had on their way down, but Sirius flashed him a warning glance, nodding slightly at Hestia, who looked confused. 

Lily caught the glance and frowned impatiently. Turning to Hestia she said, "Megan's sitting alone, look. Erin's sick, remember?" 

Hestia turned around and nodded, then said, "Maybe I'll go sit with her, she looks lonely." Lily nodded encouragingly and the moment she picked up her bag and moved away, turned back to James and Sirius, looking slightly guilty. 

Sirius grinned at her and said, "Where's Erin?" Lily shrugged but smiled. "Wherever she is, I'm glad she's there," Sirius said teasingly. 

Madam Marsh glared in their direction then, so they stopped talking, though James and Sirius wouldn't have normally. They were able to continue their discussion when they were mixing their potions, however. 

James thought it lucky that Lily was sitting right next to them; not only did Madam Marsh have a habit of assuming that Lily was doing everything correctly and therefore never came near her, but several times, Lily saved his and Sirius's potions from utter ruination. 

James leaned forward about halfway into the period and said, frowning a little, "I just thought of something. What're we going to do once we find out what it is?" 

Lily shrugged. 

"Depending on what it is, we'll see," Sirius assured him confidently. 

"Yes—" Lily began before breaking off to catch Sirius's hand, stopping him from adding salamander blood instead of beetle wings. 

"I don't think it really matters," Sirius insisted, again moving his hand to pour the salamander blood. Lily pushed his hand back without thinking and turned to James. 

"What would we _do _with whatever Dumbledore's guarding? It would be great to find out what it was, but we really shouldn't even be trying to find out what it is, you know…," she said uneasily. 

Sirius frowned angrily. "This is why it's always been just me and James," he said furiously. "We don't ask such stupid questions before, we go ahead and do whatever we want, _then_ ask questions." 

"And get in trouble," Lily added, a little truculently. 

Sirius glared at her then turned to James. "See?" he asked angrily. "I _told _you we shouldn't count on her; she's not going to do it." 

For the third time he attempted to pour his salamander blood into his potion. Lily knocked his hand away exasperatedly, making the blood spill all over Sirius's shoes. He roared angrily and jumped away from the mess, then waved his wand and cleaned up the spill. 

Unaware that the entire class had gone silent at Sirius's angry yell, he turned, infuriated, to Lily and opened his mouth. Lily hastily pointed her wand from under the desk at him, muttering, "Silencio!" 

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times, appearing to not be able to find words horrible enough to throw at Lily, though in reality, he could not make a sound. 

Madam Marsh swooped down on them angrily. "Sirius Black, you will kindly refrain from disturbing my class with personal arguments from now on, is that clear?" 

Sirius glared at her but nodded dumbly. The moment she turned away and the class returned to their potions and conversations, Lily quickly removed the Silencing charm. Sirius rubbed his throat then said, rather hoarsely, "What the _hell_ did you do that for?" 

Lily seemed not the slightest bit frightened as she calmly said, "Adding salamander blood would have made your potion explode." 

Sirius blinked but growled, "Why'd you shut me up?" 

Lily gazed into his angry face for a long moment before saying, "You would have given it away. Everybody was listening. I had to stop you." 

Sirius had been opening his mouth to retort angrily, but shut it at this. "Oh," he said, feeling silly. "Right." He turned gruffly back to his potion. Lily watched him for a few seconds longer before turning back to her own. James, who had been watching with his mouth open, stared at her for a few minutes, then as his potion began to boil, turned back to it hastily. 

Lily walked down with James and Sirius, Hestia having remained behind to ask a question, as usual. When they reached the Great Hall, however, much to James' disappointment, she headed towards a group of her girl friends and soon Hestia joined her. 

James glanced often in her direction but Lily didn't seem to notice. At ten minutes to eight, however, she stood up and headed out to the Entrance hall alone. James and Sirius strolled out a few minutes later, as their classmates headed to their common rooms. 

They walked in silence to the fifth floor; James and Sirius looked more and more excited with every step; Lily looked paler and more frightened with every step. 

They waited in the corridor before the door, neither Pringle nor Snape having arrived yet. James chanced a quick look around the shadowy hall: Sirius was casually examining the door; there was no sign of Pringle or Snape. 

He stopped walking and turning to face Lily, whispered, "You'll be fine." Lily nodded automatically; she was gripping her wand tightly and seemed unable to open her mouth. 

"This is your last detention," James reminded her, liking their plan less and less as he watched Lily. Lily gave no sign that she heard him. James sighed and messed up his hair a little worriedly, wondering whether whatever was inside the door was worth the trouble. 

Lily suddenly seemed to come out of her reverie. Looking up at James and catching his worried expression, she smiled and said, "Don't worry about me." 

James looked relieved; he smiled and reached out to stroke Lily's hair, whispering, "I knew we could depend on you." 

The sound of footsteps behind Lily made James drop his hand and move a little farther away. Lily jumped, startled, as a bright light shone glaringly in her eyes. She took an involuntary step back from the leering face over the lantern then catching sight of the shadowy form of James, standing behind Pringle, she forced herself to look straight into Pringle's eyes, smile a little and say in a quavering voice, "Good evening, Mr. Pringle." 

Pringle looked startled then swung the lantern around to illuminate James' face; he was grinning at Lily's performance, and had his arms crossed, indifferent to the bright light in his eyes. 

Sirius had appeared near James, and after inspecting his grinning face for a moment, Pringle turned to look for Snape. James moved quietly over to where Lily stood, and groping for her hand in the dark, found it and squeezed it happily, muttering, "That was _excellent_." 

Snape turned up a few minutes later, panting slightly. He flushed an ugly red at the smirk on James' face at the sight of Snape, out of breath and wheezing slightly. 

"Ok, me and Snape, this way, you three, that way," Pringle said, and was turning to go when a sweet voice said, from somewhere to Pringle's right, "Excuse me, Mr. Pringle. Would you mind if I came with you instead? Only, I would _much_ rather spend four hours with you and Severus than _them_." 

Pringle turned, surprised, but nodded. Then he leered at James and Sirius, "Scared her away, have you?" before turning around again. Snape followed, his wand out, his eyes darting nervously left and right. 

Lily followed reluctantly, turning to mouth, "Good luck!" at James and Sirius before disappearing down the long dark hallway.

James and Sirius headed straight to the door, James lagging a little behind, staring at the spot where Lily had disappeared, regretfully. Sirius noticed and said bracingly, "'S not like we sentenced her to death or anything, Prongs. It's just Pringle and Snape." James nodded, and followed Sirius more eagerly. 

Sirius pulled out his wand as he reached the door and tapping the ancient-looking lock, said, "Alohomora!" They watched excitedly as the lock clicked and the door swung easily and silently open. 

They stepped inside quickly, and the door shut behind them. Quickly performing Bubble-Body charms, an invention of James's, and a variation on the Bubble-Head charm, they walked through the stone chamber and approached the next door. 

Lily's "_brilliant_" (according to James, of course) plan had been for James and Sirius to go in as far as they could, then attempt to figure out what Dumbledore had kept there, keeping in mind that whatever it was, it reacted to fire. 

James examined the second door and then pulling out his wand, he tapped it, muttering, "Open for members of the Order of the Phoenix." 

To his surprise the door swung open. Sirius stared uncertainly at it, then said, "I didn't expect that to work." 

"Neither did I," James said, grinning. He started to step through, but Sirius flung out an arm, catching James in the chest. 

"Wait," he said. "Order of the Phoenix," he repeated. 

The door swung shut. 

James frowned then said, "Order of the Phoenix." 

To his relief, the door opened again. 

"Ok, the password for the door is 'Order of the Phoenix,'" James noted. 

They continued into another chamber, again made of stone. This door stayed shut no matter what Sirius or James said. Finally Sirius glanced at his watch and said he was going outside to check on Pringle. "You don't have to," James muttered absently as Sirius disappeared through the door. 

He heard the outside door swing shut then watched, amazed, as the door he stood before glowed reddish gold at the edges. The glow intensified until James had to shut his eyes against the blinding red glow. 

When it lessened a little, he screwed up his eyes and opened them a slit. He gasped: there was no longer any door, it seemed to have completely disappeared. 

Stepping into a chamber filled with light, the source of which was emanating from something glowing in the center, James felt something cool wash over him. The walls of the small square chamber were made of gold light that weaved and twisted, forming endless designs. James watched as it formed a phoenix then a pair of crossed wands…

Looking all around, he noticed that all four walls were made of soft golden light that moved and twined in strange patterns. A song sounded from somewhere up high and James looked up, his mouth falling open. The ceiling of the room was high and vaulted; it also was made of gold light. 

James stared around, then stepped closer to the center. The golden glow became brighter as he moved towards the center. He narrowed his eyes as he moved closer. 

The glow seemed to be coming from a small ruby-like stone. It was smooth and rounded and no larger than a pebble and it was sitting on a blue velvet cushion no bigger than James's palm. James stared at it, fascinated, then jumped as a voice sounded from the room itself, and echoed around and around…

"Potter?" it asked simply. He could not figure out whether it was a man or a woman's voice, nor even if it belonged to a human. He had the strange feeling that it belonged to the smooth red stone. 

He answered.

"Yes."

Instantly, the glow dimmed so that the room was lit with a soft gold radiance, purer than any sunlight. Opening his eyes wider, he moved closer to the stone, the song that sounded from the room, echoing in his ears. 

An irresistible longing filled him to pick up the stone, to feel its smooth surface, to touch the red and gold light radiating from it. He moved forward and leaned over the golden pedestal on which it rested. He put out a hand and picked it up excitedly.

The stone grew warm in his hand until it became too hot to hold. James's hand burned but he didn't want to let go of it…

Gazing at it, mesmerized by the beauty of its gently swirling contents, which seemed to be made of golden light, he stood and stared for what seemed an eternity. 

As he stood there, his hand burning, his heart hammering, a terrible longing inside him to touch the contents of this wonderful, strangely beautiful jewel that he held in his grasp, the voice sounded again, though it was different this time. 

Again the voice emanated from the stone but this time James heard a man's voice, urgent and panic-filled. "

They got the Bones, and they came for me next…" 

The voice changed, became a woman's shrill screech. 

"We have no chance; they are simply too strong…" 

Another voice, strong, quiet and confident issued from the stone now. 

"Potter," it said, to James' surprise. "they are coming for you…you must hide now…" 

James dropped the stone, unable to move, his brain frozen, his heart thumping madly. He barely noticed that the stone had not broken but fallen smoothly and now rested on the floor at James' feet. 

He bent swiftly, picking it up, then placed it on its cushion and ran out the door. Finding himself safe in the stone chamber, he looked back at the door and gasped: the door was as solid as it had once been and no red light glowed from the edges. 

He pushed his way through the door whose password was "Order of the Phoenix," then through the door pretending to be wooden. He tripped in his haste and nearly fell at an anxious Sirius's feet. 

Sirius pulled him up and asked, concerned, "You all right?" James took a shaky breath and glanced at his watch; only an hour had passed since they had entered the wooden door though he could have sworn it had been longer. 

Starting to walk up and down the corridor again, James told Sirius in a low voice what he had seen inside the chamber of light. Sirius was eager to go and see for himself, but for some strange reason James held him back. 

"Don't go, mate," he said shakily. "There's something strange in there…that stone _does_ things to you…I heard voices…talked to me…" 

Unconsciously he looked down into the palm that had felt the stone and which, he saw, horrified, carried a golden glow. Sirius gasped at the sight of James's glowing hand, which lit up the dark hall, and feeling it, jumped as it burned him, so hot was James's hand. For some reason, James no longer felt any pain in it, though it had burned horribly when he had held the stone. 

He hastily stuffed his hand into his pocket, clutching his wand in his left hand instead, and drew a ragged breath. 

"I think…" Sirius said, looking worriedly at James, "…that for once…this is something beyond us." 

James nodded, relieved, and they walked on, carefully talking about anything other than the secret room. 

*          *             *

Four hours had never seemed so long to Lily. She had to admit, she was not exactly frightened of either Snape or Pringle anymore; after spending four hours in the dark with them and observing them jump at small noises, her own fears had abated somewhat. 

The only problem was occupying herself for four hours. She had thought about what she would do that summer, thought about her classes and friends, and every five minutes or so, how James and Sirius were faring with the door. 

The swishing of robes to Lily's left made her leap. Holding her wand high above her face, she blinked into the lined, worn face and startlingly blue eyes of none other than Professor Dumbledore. 

Hastily lowering her wand from where it had been blinding the Headmaster, she half-turned as Pringle came trotting towards them. 

"Dumbledore!" Pringle said, looking shocked. "Is anything—" 

"No, no, nothing at all Apollyon," Dumbledore assured him. "I merely could not sleep and was talking a midnight stroll when I found myself on this floor. Miss Evans noticed me in her patrols." 

"Yes, well, if that's all, I'd best be getting back to my watch," Pringle said, but Dumbledore said, "Yes, Apollyon. That watch. I don't think it is necessary so late in the night. You may go for tonight, and I will continue your patrols. These students," he added, gesturing at Lily and Snape, "can go to bed early, one night." 

Pringle, who had started to nod and walk off quickly, before the Headmaster might change his mind, turned around and said, "But they are here for _detention_," disappointedly. 

Dumbledore shook his head firmly. "I am afraid that they are not needed here tonight. You may go," he added to Lily and Snape. Snape sneered at Pringle, and walked off. Pringle watched him go, frowning, then nodded at Dumbledore and followed. Dumbledore waited courteously for Lily to leave as well, but Lily stayed. 

"Is it something with the door?" she asked anxiously. "Surely you didn't happen to stroll along here at ten in the night?" 

Dumbledore looked at her sharply, then said slowly, "I must ask you, Miss Evans, what door you are talking about." 

Lily looked up surprised, and said, "The door that's pretending to be wooden." D

Dumbledore's eyes widened slightly; he turned to face her completely and said sharply. 

"Miss Evans, I have no idea how you might have found out about the door, though I assume it was during your detention. I must, however, ask you to abandon any interest in it; what is within is strictly off limits to students." 

Lily looked stricken at this, and stammered, "I-we knew it was something of yours of course, but…James…Sirius, they…" 

"James and Sirius have gone in?" Dumbledore asked quickly. Lily nodded then followed Dumbledore as he hurtled off towards the corridor where James and Sirius stood. James and Sirius looked up, startled, as Dumbledore swooped towards them, Lily at his side. James looked questioningly at Lily, who shook her head perplexedly. 

"James Potter," Dumbledore began sternly. "Did you go through _that door_?" he asked, pointing to the wooden door James had come out of. 

James looked guilty but started to shake his head no, when Lily suddenly said, "He did." 

Frowning at her, James cleared his throat and said, "I-I did." 

Dumbledore sighed then frowned at James. "I can hardly reprimand you, when you were so strategically placed, to refrain from satisfying your curiosity though I am very disappointed. Come to my office, all of you," he said. 

Pointing his wand at the door he muttered something, sending a silvery substance swirling out the end, which flew to the door and enveloped it in a transparent cover. Then he hurried to his office, James, Sirius and Lily in tow.

Once inside, Dumbledore asked James to explain what had happened inside the door, in detail. Lily, hearing the story for the first time, gasped several times and gave a small cry when James showed them his hand, still glowing vaguely. When finally he had finished, Dumbledore turned a stern gaze on the three of them. 

"I do not ask _why_ you entered this door; mere curiosity combined with circumstance would have caused nearly anyone to wish to investigate the door further. And," he added, with a slight frown, "I realize fully that it would be asking too much of Sirius Black and James Potter to not get up to some kind of mischief when given the opportunity to do so." 

James flushed a little; the Headmaster always had the ability to make James feel thoroughly ashamed of his antics. 

"And I realize too, that several mistakes have been made, all of which contributed equally to your entering this door. Therefore the blame lies but marginally with you." James looked relieved, but still eyed Dumbledore apprehensively. 

"I expect you'll want to know all about what you found in the room," Dumbledore continued, smiling at James. 

James looked startled at the sudden change of tone, but nodded, then said, "It-it called me…it said they were coming for me…that I should hide…" Dumbledore gave a little sigh, then began as though he had not heard James.

"Firstly, it is my mistake, for keeping this thing at Hogwarts, where it may arouse students' curiosities. Secondly it is Professor McGonagall's mistake for having students guard it, as detention. This thing is much too precious for mere students to guard. Thirdly and mainly, it is my fault, for I know, that the temptation to enter the door would be too much for such as you and also that you have, deep inside you, the courage, bravery, and training to do good." 

"So, I will explain all to you. I will try to answer any questions you may have, which I feel I owe you an answer to, and attempt, though I can only attempt, to bring you back into our school world." 

Lily and Sirius looked startled, and stared at James, who was sitting silently, staring at his hands, one of which was still glowing eerily. 

"Firstly, the thing that is guarded day and night by teachers, does indeed belong to the Order of the Phoenix. Now, I probably should not be saying so much to mere students, but James, you have parents in the Order, and therefore know about it, Sirius, I know you to have run away from your parents and their beliefs and ways and therefore trustworthy. Miss Evans, I know nearly nothing about you and your background, other than that you are Muggle-born, but, as James and Sirius seem to have trusted you, I will too."

"The outer door," he began, "is accessible to anyone by a simple '_Alohomora_.' Most students will stay well away from a forbidden door, nor, I might add, will any others get much chance alone with the door, for it is under constant surveillance."

"The second door, has the password, 'Order of the Phoenix.' Now this is the stage at which the door filters out unwanted and unwelcome persons because, as you might have realized, only members of the Order of the Phoenix know its name. Anybody who fails to supply a password in a few minutes, I might add, would be ejected."

"The innermost door, is really one of my most brilliant ideas. This door will only open to those it knows to be trustworthy, to those whose families are part of the Order of the Phoenix. Anybody who is on _our_ side is in the Order of the Phoenix and therefore has access to the inner room. The door opens automatically when it recognizes somebody it trusts." 

At this point, Sirius burst out, "How come I wasn't allowed in then?"

Dumbledore turned to Sirius, but Lily said, "You're a Black. Your family's not in the Order." 

Dumbledore nodded at Sirius, who said, "But I _am_ trustworthy. How come the door didn't realize _that_?" 

"The door, is, only part of a temporary resting place for what is inside. There are still many problems with the arrangement, and I regret that the door cannot, as yet, recognize people who have left their families as trustworthy." 

Sirius flushed angrily, but Lily shot him a sharp glance when he opened his mouth. He shut it, but glared at Dumbledore who continued calmly. 

"The room inside contains a red Stone, smooth and the size of a pebble. When James entered the room, it again, checked that only an authorized person was near. I regret, however, that the Stone only knows the last names of people it trusts. You might have guessed already, that the Stone controls the door." 

"The door has its faults and so does the Stone. When it asked James if he was 'Potter,' James, of course, replied that he was. The Stone allowed him to pick it up without doing more than burning his hand."

"The burn, you will notice," Dumbledore added, "is not painful, but the result of proximity to a highly magical object." 

"The voices James heard when he held the Stone were voices of other members of the Order. If you have not already realized, we are not fighting a winning battle against Lord Voldemort here." 

James winced, and Sirius shivered, and Lily gasped, but Dumbledore continued, "The Stone allows anybody within the Order to handle it, and stores their thoughts in itself. The light you saw inside the Stone," he said to James, "were the thoughts of previous holders. It also transmits some of its light, its thought, to each holder, so that anybody who holds the Stone comes away with a little bit of that thought in them. James heard messages from other holders, in the form of warnings."

"Normally, the Stone would not have given verbal thoughts, only stored them in the holder's consciousness, but the Stone mistook James as his father, who is in the Order, and who, I may say, James looks very much similar to, and gave him an urgent message, something it does not usually do."

James looked up, startled but before he could voice aloud his fears, Dumbledore hurried on. 

"The message was one for your parents to go into hiding from Lord Voldemort, something they had been planning to do for several months, since Voldemort has been steadily gaining power. The Stone's message, however," he said, with a sigh, "was too late." 

James looked up sharply then asked, in a strange tone, "Why would my parents have to go into hiding?" 

Dumbledore seemed to be deep in thought and did not answer at once. 

Finally he said, "Lord Voldemort has many reasons for wishing to kill those who oppose him. Sometimes, it is better to go into hiding instead of getting caught by his Death Eaters." 

He did not meet James' eyes as he said this however. 

Dumbledore sighed again and then said gently, "I said that the Stone's message was too late because it was a message stored six months ago. The Stone did not have a chance to give the message to anybody, until now, and so the message, the warning, is six months old." 

James looked up, his mouth very dry. "So-so then m-my parents?" he asked, his heart pounding painfully, hardly daring to ask. 

"I am afraid," Dumbledore said, "that the reason I arrived where you were a little late, a few minutes after you came out of the door, is because I had received an owl." 

He pointed at a gray bird watching them from a perch in the corner. 

James's eyes widened fearfully. "I am sorry, James," Dumbledore said softly. "Voldemort got to them before I could warn them." 

James turned very pale, and looked down at his shoes. Sirius put his hand on James' shoulder and gripped it bracingly. Lily looked shocked, and she got up and walking over to where James was sitting numbly, hugged him. James did not look up. 

"So they're dead?" Sirius asked harshly, and Lily flinched at the crudeness of his question. Dumbledore looked at James who did not look up and nodded slowly. Sirius took a ragged breath then turned anxiously to James. 

James looked up suddenly; there were tears in his eyes and his voice shook as he asked, "Why did they _really_ have to go into hiding?" 

Dumbledore had not expected this question. 

He paused a moment then said, "You deserve to know. You are," he sounded reluctant to say it, "the only Potter left…I suppose you have a _right_ to know…" 

"The Potters have long been one of the most respectable wizarding families. They have all been in Gryffindor and have won themselves renown with their brave and fearless deeds. Every Potter has thus far, continued in the same tradition, upholding the family name and honor. Like the Blacks have their reputation," he added, nodding at Sirius. 

"But the Potters were different. Every one of them lived fully up to the glory of their name and their family's legacy." 

"While most of the wizarding community has acknowledged the greatness of the family Potter, not many of them know that the Potters are actually directly descended from Godric Gryffindor, founder of Gryffindor House, himself." 

James looked up, surprised. "So…_I'm_ the heir of Gryffindor?" he asked in disbelief. 

Dumbledore nodded. 

"Still, even if my parents were descendants of Godric Gryffindor, why did You-Know-Who want to kill them?" 

"Lord Voldemort was once a boy called Tom Riddle. In his veins, through his mother's side, runs the blood of Salazaar Slytherin, who, most hated Godric Gryffindor. I suppose it is Tom Riddle's way of getting even on Slytherin's account, to kill all the Potters. You may not know it, but all of your relatives have been killed by Death Eaters, but on _his _orders."

James looked back down again. "I am sorry, James," Dumbledore said gently. James looked up and Dumbledore and nodded. "Now, although I am sure you wish never to have anything more to do with Voldemort—" 

"Nothing more to _do_ with him?" James asked incredulously. "I want to _kill_ him!" 

Dumbledore looked unsurprised though said in a low, quick voice, "James, I must warn you. We are fighting Voldemort in a much better way than hunting him down and killing him. I must ask you not to do anything foolish for revenge or with any other such idea in mind." 

"Then I'll kill him with the help of the Order!" 

"You cannot join the Order. It is comprised only of overage wizards who are no longer in school, no longer under the guidance of an adult—" 

"Well, I'm not anymore!" James said angrily. "I don't see why I shouldn't have a chance to—"

"James," Dumbledore said sharply. "You did not let me finish. I was saying, although you may wish never to have anything to do with Voldemort again, I'm afraid you must." 

James, who had been about to retort that he ought to be allowed a chance, closed his mouth, surprised. 

"As the only heir of Godric Gryffindor," Dumbledore said, "it is most unfortunate, but quite necessary that you become involved with the Order. While even I may not make you a member until you are out of school, we do ask for your cooperation in certain matters."

James looked up, warily. 

"Nothing just now," Dumbledore assured him. "But later."

"Is it about the Stone?" James asked, a strange inflection in his voice. Dumbledore eyed him for a second before nodding, then allowed them to leave. 

*          *             *

They walked slowly back to Gryffindor tower; it was midnight. They walked back in silence, Lily and Sirius looking anxiously at James every few minutes. He walked along, dry-eyed, still hardly able to believe his parents were _dead_.

Lily caught sight of his face as he walked through a patch of moonlight; it was haggard and tired and pale. Impulsively she moved closer and put her arm around his waist. He smiled shakily down at her and put his arm around her shoulders. 

"The only Potter left…" he whispered, and blinked furiously. Then smiling weakly at her, he added"_I_ wouldn't adopt you…" 

His smile fled as he remembered that now _he _was in more need of adoption than she. Lily's eyes filled with tears at the sight of James' face and she let go of him to wipe her face with the back of her hand. 

"Aw, don't cry, Evans," he muttered. "I'm not so bad off when I've got you and Sirius…" 

This only made Lily cry even harder. James wiped her face with a shaky hand and said roughly, "Stop it now, you hear?" 

Lily nodded then asked tremulously, "Where will you go?" 

"He'll come find a place with me, of course," Sirius said gruffly. "'S'not like he's got no place to go…" 

James smiled at Sirius as they walked down the hall, back to Gryffindor Tower. 


	12. The Key to Life

A/N: Does anybody even remember what was happening? Uhh, as far as I can recall, James went in the door and saw the Stone. (For more on that, go back! Thought I was going to tell you, did you?) And it had a…strange effect on him (more on that later.) The last we saw, James's parents were dead.

This chapter, which is long I know but I'm trying to churn it all out so I can write more, goes into more detail about James's reaction to the death of his parents, and Dumbledore's crazy plans for guarding the heir of Gryffindor. More Lily and Sirius as well.

* * *

Chapter 12: The Key to Life

They walked slowly back to Gryffindor tower; it was midnight. They walked back in silence, Lily and Sirius looking anxiously at James every few minutes. He walked along, dry-eyed, still hardly able to believe his parents were dead.

Lily caught sight of his face as he walked through a patch of moonlight; it was haggard and tired and pale. Impulsively she moved closer and put her arm around his waist. He smiled shakily down at her and put his arm around her shoulders.

"The only Potter left…" he whispered, and he blinked furiously. Then smiling weakly at her, "_I_ wouldn't adopt you…"

His smile fled as he remembered that _he _was in more need of adoption than she. Lily's eyes filled with tears at the sight of James' face and let go of him to wipe her face with the back of her hand.

"Aw, don't cry, Evans," he muttered. "I'm not so bad off when I've got you and Sirius…"

This only made Lily cry even harder. James wiped her face with a shaky hand and said roughly, "Stop it now, you hear?"

Lily nodded then asked tremulously, "Where will you go?"

"He'll come find a place with me, of course," Sirius said gruffly. "'S'not like he's got no place to go…"

James smiled at Sirius as they walked down the hall.

James was in the common room early the next morning. He had been unable to sleep much and had lain awake most of the night, thinking of his parents. It seemed strange and unreal that they should no longer be in their old house by the sea, in Godric's Hollow, going about their daily routines, and that they would never again meet James off the Hogwarts Express each year, that he would never see their smiling faces anymore. It was this last thought that kept him awake, relentlessly haunting his sleepless hours and troubled dreams.

He had finally gotten up at four thirty and had sat in the common room alone. He had brought with him an old photograph of his parents; he stared as they smiled and waved up at him. James gazed at his parents' faces until his eyes blurred. Tears fell, fast and uncontrollably, onto the frame.

James blinked furiously and was wiping his eyes with the back of his hand when a touch on his shoulder made him turn around, startled. He turned back around just as fast; it was Lily. She had seen the tears on his face, he was sure, and he wished she would leave, but she didn't.

Instead she perched on the arm of his chair and stroked his hair softly, saying nothing. James stared at his photograph for several more seconds then looked up and tried to smile at Lily. He didn't quite succeed and Lily gazed sympathetically at him. He averted his eyes, though he knew she must know he had been crying.

"James?" she said hesitantly. He did not look at her or respond and she tried again, "James?"

He raised his head a little but did not meet her eyes. Lily slipped off the arm of the chair and kneeled in front of James with her hands resting on his knees. She gazed up into his tear-stained face earnestly. "James," she repeated.

Finally he looked into her bright green eyes, so full of compassion. Lily gazed for a moment at the stricken look in his dark hazel eyes then closed her eyes with a pained expression on her face. James understood, by this, that she felt his pain so thoroughly that it hurt her, to see him so upset. He gazed deep into her eyes; she clasped his hands tightly, noting that they were cold.

"James…are you all right?" she asked anxiously. James looked away and nodded, though Lily could tell he was lying. "James, do you want to-to talk?" she asked tentatively. James shook his head vigorously. Lily nodded understandingly. She sighed a little and stood up to go but James caught her hand. Turning around, she saw James staring forlornly at a photograph. As she looked down at him, he looked up at her and handed her the photography.

"My-my parents," he said hoarsely. Lily nodded and smiled: it was obvious that James was the son of the smiling man and woman in the picture. James was the exact image of his father, though he had gotten his poor eyesight from his mother, who also wore glasses.

"James, I'll…do you want…I can…come…with…you?" she asked nervously.

James looked up, bewildered, having heard only a few words of what she had said. His mother and father's voices were running through his head. James listened hungrily as his mother praised him fondly and his father talked proudly about James to his colleagues. All James could hear was "my son James." His parents, he remembered, had talked, mostly, of nothing but him.

"James?" The voice brought James out of his reverie. He clenched his fists angrily as the voices faded and his mind tuned into the diffident voice of Lily.

"Is…that…all right…with you?" He looked up, irritated and asked, "What?"

Lily looked a little shocked at his expression but hastily masked it and repeated her question a little more clearly.

"Come with me?" James repeated, a little confused. Then something clicked in his head and he realized Lily was asking to come with him and Sirius to the funeral. He nodded and smiled weakly. Lily looked relieved he was not irritated, but didn't look too pleased. He could understand that: he didn't want to go himself.

The next day, James, Lily and Sirius left for James' house. They returned the next day, spending the night at Lily's house. Lily introduced James and Sirius simply as "friends from school," and the Evans didn't question it.

Petunia, however, had her suspicions. She could not be quite sure because the boy called James, whose parents had died, was nearly always quiet and thoughtful, but she thought she saw concern for him in Lily's eyes whenever she looked in his direction. As for the other boy, who was, Petunia jealously hoped, more a friend of James's than Lily's, though he seemed to be on close terms with Lily as well, he was trouble indeed, very handsome trouble.

James seemed very nearly back to normal Monday morning. Though he did not constantly joke and laugh with Sirius, preferred not to be the center of attention and actually did not notice the sneers Snape shot him whenever he passed, he was no longer so thoughtful.

Lily, who had been rather worried by James' long silences, especially noticeable on the long train journeys, was relieved to see the old James returning though very slowly. It was a week though, before James laughed and two before he was able to smile without his mouth trembling.

Sirius was understanding of James' long silences and let him be whenever a certain look appeared on James' face. Remus, though unable to attend the funeral due to the full moon, also was considerate. James liked to take refuge in Remus's company, because being with Remus meant you didn't need to talk much.

Peter was a different story. He couldn't understand why James should feel so depressed a full _month_ after his parents had died, and failed to ever realize that James preferred to be let well alone, rather than be pulled to the center of a crowd. The fourth time he did this in two days, James had had enough. Roaring angrily, he turned on Peter, and muttered something.

With a small _pop!_ Peter disappeared, and an ugly toad appeared in his place, croaking dejectedly. James gave it a withering look then pushed his way out of the crowd that had gathered around Peter and James.

James walked quickly with his head down and his hands in his pockets, thinking that maybe at the edge of the lake he could have some peace from annoying fans. He dropped down in the soft grass by the lake and lay on his back, closing his eyes as the warm sun shined drowsily upon him. James put his hands behind his head, and sighed. Quiet at last. James smiled happily as his parents' voices began to play in his head…

When James woke up, the sun had disappeared behind large black clouds. A cold wind whipped the tops of the trees and set the water running at a crisp pace. James felt comfortably warm. Glancing down he saw that a cloak was draped over him.

Slowly letting go of the dream he had been having of his parents, he glanced around him, still not getting up. The sight of a red head made him smile; the sight of a darker head next to it made his smile wider.

Lily and Sirius turned around as James yawned and stretched. Lily smiled at him and he noticed she was wrapped in a cloak several sizes too big for her. James got to his feet lazily and handed her the cloak he had been covered with. She took it and handed the one she was wearing back to Sirius before fastening on her own.

James turned to Sirius and asked, with a yawn, "How long have you been sitting here?"

Sirius glanced at his watch. "I've only been here 10 minutes. I saw her sitting by the lake and came over to find out where you were."

James turned questioningly to Lily but she said evasively, "I've been here long enough to get cold. Let's go." James nodded then fell in step beside them.

He walked silently and Lily and Sirius shot uneasy glances at him before shaking their heads at each other. Sirius had only been at the lake for ten minutes, but Lily had been there for nearly an hour. It had only taken Sirius a few minutes to see what Lily had been watching for an hour: James was not sleeping well.

He had moaned and muttered, tossed and turned. The long bouts of silence as soon as he woke up worried Lily, and puzzled Sirius. They had just agreed that Sirius would try and talk to James about it, when he had woken up. Now, they had spent barely two minutes with him and they were worried again.

They reached the common room and Lily, spotting Hestia sitting comfortably by the fire, disappeared. Sirius walked over to a shadowy corner and James automatically followed; more than one pair of eyes followed them, though the average onlooker only assumed they were up to something.

Sirius watched James surreptitiously for a minute then spoke first. "James…are you…you all right, mate?"

James looked up, surprised and said, with a hint of irritation in his voice, "Of course I'm all right. Did you expect me to need to go into a mental hospital because my parents—"

He broke off abruptly. How could he say his parents were dead when they were so alive in his dreams and in his mind?

Sirius looked a little shocked by this outburst then remembering Lily's frequent warnings to be careful with him, forced himself to try again. "No, of course not. It's just…you seem…kind of…thoughtful, sometimes," he said, hoping for a better answer. He didn't get it.

"Thoughtful?" James repeated, a little angrily. "Of course I'm thoughtful. I'm thinking of my _parents_ here, remember?"

Sirius looked decidedly taken aback at James' sudden anger. He stood up quickly, and as James started to also, pushed him back down. "I'll…be right back," he said before disappearing into the crowded room.

Sirius pushed his way through the crowd of Gryffindors, most of whom were in a celebratory mood because of the upcoming Easter holidays. He looked left and right, his eyes darting around, looking for the person he wanted. He finally spotted her, surrounded by a circle of friends, toasting her feet by the fireplace.

Without a word he leaned over the back of a chair and grabbed Lily's arm. She looked up, surprised, but seeing Sirius's face, jumped to her feet immediately, and started to find her way out of the thick circle of girls. At the sight of Sirius Black in their midst, several girls giggled and sighed romantically, and a few even called out to him, but he completely ignored them and wheeled around, following Lily back to the shadowy corner.

"Hmph! Lily Evans and _Sirius Black_?" a jealous girl completely mistakenly said. A few nods and murmurs greeted this statement and several girls put their heads together and began whispering enviously.

Lily found James sitting tensely in an armchair, his fists clenched, eyes narrowed. Lily's eyes widened at the sight of him and she stopped short. Sirius wove his way through the crowd urgently, pushing aside a few first years before coming to a stop a few centimeters behind Lily.

She glanced back and automatically stepped a little forward, nearly falling over James's outstretched legs. Sirius moved back a little and Lily regained her balance then turned around and said softly, "I want to watch him for awhile." Sirius nodded then pulled over his armchair for her. Lily sat on the edge while Sirius perched on

the back, facing James, who had no clue they were there.

James acted as though he were having a nightmare, were living a nightmare. His feet occasionally twitched and his wand arm moved up and down with an imaginary wand in it; his mouth formed words that had no sound and his eyes darted all around frantically, seeing something other than the crowded Common Room. Suddenly, his mouth opened wide in a yell, a yell without sound. Lily started and Sirius fell off the back to land awkwardly on the arm of the chair.

James snapped awake. Seeing Sirius's odd position he frowned then seeing Lily's startled face, frowned a little more. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"I think we ought to be asking _you _that," Lily said concernedly. James frowned at her. "Nothing's wrong with me. Why do you all think there is?"

Lily glanced at Sirius, whose eyes mirrored her confusion then she turned abruptly to James and said, "We know. We know you've been having nightmares when you sleep, that you don't sleep well, and now that you even have these nightmares in the day." She paused for a moment, watching James anxiously. When he said nothing, she continued.

"We can understand that you want to be alone and think about your-your parents and prefer not to-to talk a lot…but we think that whatever's bothering you…it's-is more than that. We just want to help," she finished softly.

James looked up at her and saw that she looked worried and concerned, saw that her eyes looked tired and that her mouth shook as though she was close to tears. James smiled at her; a strange impulse seized him and he found himself pouring out the whole story to them.

"…and I hear their voices in my head, you know? Like a film or something, like they're…" he messed his hair up frustratedly and Lily suggested, "recorded?" James and Sirius looked confusedly at her and she shook her head quickly, muttered "Muggle stuff," and motioned for James to continue. "It's driving me mad," he finished desperately.

Lily looked around at Sirius, who was still lying uncomfortably over the arm of the chair, having never remembered to get up. Now he slid off and looked at Lily's puzzled expression. He knew she wanted him to suggest something but he had no idea as to what might help. Secretly, he thought James was going mad and maybe more than a little bit.

Lily looked over at James and said slowly, "I think the best thing to do is to go to Dumbledore. He is the one who explained about the stone and maybe it's connected…"

"NO!!!!" James shouted so loudly half the common room jumped while the other half fell silent. There was an ominous silence in which everyone craned their necks to see who was shouting; seeing James Potter and Sirius Black they turned around interestedly: no one had ever seen James and Sirius fighting in all the years they had been friends. Sirius stared around at the silent common room, James sat quietly in his chair, and though nobody but Lily could see it, held his head in his hands.

The other conversations finally started and Lily leaned forward. She put a hand on James' arm and he jumped, startling her. "Please, James. Dumbledore will know why this is happening to you…I'm sure he would. You don't have to talk about…about the st-stone if you don't want to," she added anxiously, biting her lip as James winced at the mention of the stone.

Finally James nodded. Sirius looked immensely relieved and Lily smiled at him happily. Turning back to James, she said eagerly, "Let's go right now." James shook his head a little, but Lily had already jumped to her feet. She grabbed James' arm and when he pulled himself up to his feet, clasped his hand, smiling up at him happily.

Sirius led the way out of the portrait hole, down the hall to Dumbledore' office. He glanced back over his shoulder every so often, and sighed. Lily was still holding James' hand tightly, talking softly to him and Sirius thought it a good sign that James seemed to be listening. Lily could really help James, as much as he, Sirius, could, if not more, and Sirius would be the first to admit that. Lily _could _be the key to James's life. Sirius was not denying that.

It was just that Lily seemed too optimistic, believed too fervently in Dumbledore to allow herself to even think for a moment, of the possibility that Dumbledore could do nothing. They reached the door of Dumbledore's office then stared foolishly at each other. They did not know the password.

They waited outside the door for ten minutes then had just decided to head to the staff room and ask one of the teachers how to get to Dumbledore's office when the swish of robes sounded from behind them. Turning around, they saw Dumbledore, striding serenely towards them. Lily smiled in relief and Sirius scuffed his shoe, though he was equally relieved.

"We wondered…," Lily began hesitantly.

"If you could talk to me?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

Lily nodded then said, "Well, not all of us. Just-just James."

Dumbledore looked over at James, perhaps expecting a confirmation and looked surprised to see that James was standing with his hands in his pockets, frowning a little.

"Of course," Dumbledore said courteously. He said, "Lemon drop," and the door sprang open. Shaking their heads at each other, Sirius and Lily followed Dumbledore up a spiral staircase, pulling James after them. Once they reached the top however, Dumbledore pointed at a small room off of the circular office and gently but firmly asked Lily and Sirius to wait there. Sirius opened his mouth aggressively but Lily nodded at Dumbledore then grabbing Sirius's arm, pulled him away.

"He needs to talk to James _alone_," she hissed angrily, before sinking into a cushy chair. Sirius opened his mouth again, but Lily frowned severely at him, then turned pointedly away. Sirius stared at her for a minute then sat down in another chair.

Dumbledore turned to James and said gently, "If you'd just tell me what is bothering you, James, I will see what can be done." He leaned back and waited for a reply.

None came. James stared silently at the carpet, and even when Dumbledore cleared his throat rather conspicuously, though he reddened at the thought of making the headmaster wait, he could not form any words to describe the thing that was possessing him. Finally, after ten minutes had passed, silently, Dumbledore got up and left the room.

James barely noticed him leaving. He was having another flash of "day-mare" and it was worse than ever. This time, his parents' voices echoed in his head, but they were no longer fond and gentle. His mother's screams mingled with his father's yells and James flinched as he heard a high-pitched cackle…then a long low scream… and the sound of a falling body…His mother was screaming…screaming…then her voice was extinguished, abruptly, and now somebody else was screaming….screaming at the top of his voice for his mother and father, for somebody to help them…before he killed them…

Dumbledore, who had gone out to ask Lily to step inside, hurtled back in, closely followed by Sirius and Lily. Lily winced at this particularly powerful dream and rushed forward to shake James but Dumbledore put out his hand and stopped her. Lily watched anxiously, gazing from James, who had stopped screaming but was shuddering and clearly unconscious of their presence, to Dumbledore, who watched him calmly, expression and emotionless.

Finally, when James blinked and with an effort, pulled himself together and looked around the room, Dumbledore strode forward and seated himself behind his desk once more. Lily and Sirius stood on either side of James' chair. James looked around at them, a little surprised to see them, having known nothing of what had happened when he had had his dream.

He was pale and shaky and his hands trembled as he pushed his glasses back up onto his nose. Sirius's hand was pressing roughly on his shoulder, he could hear Lily's fast, anxious breathing behind him.

He looked up and at Dumbledore, feeling that he should say something and clearing his throat, began hesitantly, "I-I've been having these…dreams…since…since my-my parents…." Again, he could not bring himself to say, "died," because they were obviously so real in his dreams, though the last one…

James involuntarily shuddered. Dumbledore eyed him closely then said sharply, "Before they _died_, James. They're dead."

James felt as though he had been hit in the stomach; he sucked in his breath and his face went deathly pale. Lily, who had flinched at Dumbledore's tone, turned and glared at him. He appeared not to notice and continued, "These dreams…are they dreams in the sense that they occur when you sleep or do they happen during the day as well?"

Sirius looked surprised at the question; he thought the answer should be obvious as Dumbledore had just witnessed one. Dumbledore, however, seemed to want the answer from James.

"During…during the day too…" James said with an effort. "It's like…voices…are playing a-a tape in…in my…head. I hear my-my parents'…voices…in…my-my dreams."

Looking up suddenly, he said, "I heard them _die_." He sounded amazed as he said this, as though it was only a very strange bad dream, and as though it could not possibly be true.

Dumbledore looked, for the briefest instant, as though he pitied James. Then the look vanished and he said rather calmly, "But what you saw _did_ happen. That _was _how Voldemort killed your parents." He watched James closely as he spoke, and as James flinched and clenched his fists, seemed satisfied with the reaction.

"Well, James, I'm sure it will all go away if you sleep well for a few days," Dumbledore said cheerfully. James looked up wearily and nodded. "You may wait outside," Dumbledore added, still overly cheerful. James nodded again then walked out, without even stopping to see if Lily and Sirius were following.

Lily and Sirius opened their mouths at the same moment. They waited until James was safely outside then shouted, "What the _hell_ was that all about?" Looking at each other they smiled a little tensely then turned to face Dumbledore, who was now looking extremely serious and not at all cheerful.

"I will explain everything to you in a minute. I am going to tell you things James ought not to hear in the state he is in, and as his closest friends, I hope that you will support him through this difficult period of his life." He gazed down at Lily and Sirius's serious, anxious faces, and sighed a little before beginning again.

"James is suffering from recurrent nightmares about his dead parents, a normal enough occurrence when the death is sudden, violent and that of a person one was close to. James's nightmares, however, have been rather enhanced by the brief period in which he held the stone."

Lily gasped sharply and Dumbledore glanced at her before continuing.

"James' nightmares are such that he relives memories of his parents, the most recent of which was that of his parents' death. James relives them through the eyes of his parents, namely, his father, whose role he briefly assumed when holding the stone. In cases such as these, especially in rather severe cases such as James', the most common remedy is to administer potions daily which relax the brain, and temporarily mask memories of the tragic dream-inducer."

Lily gasped again and Sirius said roughly, "You mean, erase his memory?"

"So he won't remember his parents?" Lily asked wistfully.

Dumbledore nodded and sighed heavily. "It is not, naturally, something we _prefer _to do. But in James' case, it is necessary."

Lily sighed and Sirius frowned but said nothing. Dumbledore stared at the pained expression in Lily's eyes for a moment before continuing slowly, "I am afraid James' case is slightly different, slightly worse."

"James, as the heir of Godric Gryffindor, cannot afford to permanently forget about his parents, and thus his family, the Potters. We will have to give him potions daily to remove the memory of his parents from his mind, but we _cannot have him forget them_."

Lily looked startled and Sirius confused. Dumbledore eyed them for a moment then said, "It is also in James' best interests if he forgets that he is the heir of Gryffindor, it makes it more difficult for Voldemort to find him, you see. So he will be made to forget that as well. Again, it is up to us to ensure that he does not permanently forget this."

Sirius broke in, "So, if James forgets his-his parents, he won't have any more nightmares?"

Dumbledore nodded, then said, "It is, I assure you, not an easy process to erase memories from the brain. The brain is complex and such memories are stored in many places. Often the damage done is irreparable."

Lily drew in her breath sharply and tears fringed her eyes as she said, "So James might forget his parents…forever?"

Dumbledore looked at her intently for a few seconds then said, "It is up to us, but mainly you and Sirius, to ensure that, when the time comes, he can be…reminded. Until then, you must keep that knowledge safe with you. James must never know that he is the heir of Gryffindor, nor the son of the last of the Potters. He will, in fact, be made to forget the glory of the line of Potters as well."

Lily winced. "We can begin to help James tomorrow morning," Dumbledore said, before ushering them out of his office.

"_Help_?" Sirius asked Lily in a soft, sarcastic tone as they walked out of Dumbledore's office.

The next morning, before breakfast, Lily and Sirius escorted James to the hospital wing. They had told him that Dumbledore had recommended a potion that was guaranteed to get rid of his nightmares. James looked indifferent to the prospect; he was beginning to get used to the dreams. He accompanied them, silently, of course, as they walked tensely down the hall.

Madam Pomfrey had James sit on a chair, and asked him to drink a gobletful of dark orange-red liquid that had the consistency of vinegar. James did, making a face: the potion had a sour tangy taste. Lily watched him anxiously for a few minutes after until Madam Pomfrey noticed and told her that there would be no visible effects other than the major one.

They walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Lily smiled at James before heading off to the far end of the table, where Hestia sat, immersed in the morning's Daily Prophet. Sirius watched her go and sighed: he did not look forward to the prospect of being alone with James when the potion began to exact its first effects. James, he noticed drearily, looked thoughtful and had not even noticed Lily's departure, though he had smiled back at her.

Nothing happened during breakfast, much to Sirius's relief. He remembered, relieved, that they had Charms next, and Lily was in their class. He smiled as he watched her walk casually towards them, chatting happily to Hestia.

She paused in the middle of whatever she was saying to glance up at Sirius for a moment. When Sirius shook his head lightly, she nodded and turned back to Hestia, and walked with her all the way to Charms.

At Charms, Lily sat with Hestia. Sirius noticed, however, that she chose seats near the back of the room, instead of in the middle, knowing James' and Sirius's penchant for staying as far away from the teacher as possible. Lily smiled, and thought she had managed that well; now if she turned around, she could see James, who was sitting directly behind her.

They were reviewing for their exams that day. Lily glanced back at James every so often; there appeared to be absolutely nothing wrong with him. Not only did he joke and laugh softly with Sirius, he also was reprimanded several times, by little Professor Flitwick, something no teacher had had to do for the past few weeks.

After class, Lily flashed Sirius a relieved smile before he heading off for her next class. James watched her go and for the first time in weeks, wondered why she smiled at Sirius, but not at him.

James thought that he could already feel the effects of the potion. He felt happy and exuberant, though he could not guess why. He noticed, vaguely, that Sirius seemed a little anxious and that Lily kept turning around to glance at him when she thought he wasn't looking, but he wasn't bothered.

It had been a long time since James had felt so peaceful and contented…but, no…that couldn't be right…he _had _been happy for as long as he could remember…nothing had even _happened _in the last month to make him feel otherwise…

James remained in the same, cheerful mood all day. His fellow Gryffindors, who had all learned, over the past few weeks, and with good cause, to steer clear of James Potter when one of his thoughtful fits came on him, looked amazed at the change. For one thing, there _were _no thoughtful fits: James was constantly laughing, talking and joking, happily, and was once again, the center of attention. For another, James seemed to be running at some extra-high level, and the energy that crackled about him, creating an atmosphere of action, astonished his fellow classmates, all of whom were suffering from some degree of lassitude and lethargy.

The only cloud on James' happiness was that Sirius and Lily did not share in his high spirits. Sirius seemed tired, and would only discourage him whenever James came up with a crazy plan for their amusement, and Lily was, if anything, worse. James simply _could_ not understand why she refused to respond to his calls, whistles and waves; each time he spotted her from the middle of the crowd that always surrounded him, he would grin happily and call out, or whistle. She would only blush and, not meeting his eyes, hurry past. It took the entire school barely an hour to find out, through rumour and eyewitness, that James Potter was interested in a rather quiet Muggle-born witch called Lily Evans.

Once, Lily, surrounded by a crowd of Gryffindors and a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, could not escape. Very unwillingly, she looked up at James; as he smiled down at her, he was startled to notice tears in her bright eyes. He stumbled as somebody jostled him and for a moment, staring into Lily's green eyes, felt a twinge of sadness, as though he were missing something incalculably precious, but a moment later, it had irrevocably disappeared, and he felt the familiar happiness rushing through him. He felt that he would like to give some of that happiness to Lily, who, he thought, seemed too sad, and cleared his throat loudly.

The crowd around them fell silent, and James asked in the adoring silence, in a purposefully casual yet arrogant voice, "Hey, Evans. Fancy a trip to Hogsmeade with me?" He asked this with the tone of one who is offering a present. James felt the same twinge again as a few tears splashed out of Lily's eyes and lined her lashes; she had no reason to be so upset. Then, she glanced around helplessly. It was impossible to refuse: the crowd was calling and whooping and cheering; they wanted Lily to say yes. Without looking up at James, she nodded yes, then pushed her way out of the crowd. James lost sight of her dark head as it weaved its way through the throng; if he hadn't he would have seen her break into a run as soon as she escaped, tears pouring madly down her face.

Lily was not in the common room that night; only Hestia and Sirius knew where she was, and Hestia refused to say (no one knew Sirius knew.) Hestia had caught up with Lily as she dashed away from the courtyard, and Lily, breaking free of her grasp had said pleadingly, "I need to be alone. Please." Hestia had nodded and let her go.

Once in the Room of Requirement, Lily had cried for half an hour then sat morosely on one of the cushions. Not having had the energy to be particular about the purpose of the room, she had found herself in a room full of joke stuff, and had guessed this was where Sirius and James came when they wanted to plan a prank.

An hour had passed when the door suddenly opened; turning around, startled, Lily saw Sirius standing there, looking equally surprised. When she saw who it was, she turned away despondently; even Sirius could not fix this awful situation.

Sirius looked undeniably comforted to see her; he had searched the grounds for an hour before thinking to look in the Room of Requirement. He had heard the exchange out in the courtyard, and it had hurt him horribly. He could only guess how Lily felt.

He sat down on the floor near Lily, who stared out the window, saying nothing. "Are you…all right?" he finally asked, hesitantly. Lily shrugged and continued staring out the window. Sirius sighed, and Lily could sense his pain without even turning around.

"What an awful day," he muttered, stretching out full-length on the floor. Lily's heart leapt but she purposefully said nothing until Sirius continued, "A real nightmare. James was…awful."

Lily turned around and Sirius inwardly winced at the tear-stains on her face. He laughed mirthlessly. "I think _I've _had it bad; what about you?"

Lily shrugged and turned back around, not willing to discuss it with Sirius. He watched her carefully for a few minutes but she didn't turn around.

"I don't think this is working, you know?" he said frustratedly.

Lily nodded, then said slowly, "Maybe we ought to tell Dumbledore or something." Then she burst out, "I can't _stand_ it if James is like this _forever_!" Sirius nodded grimly.

"Is it really so bad he has the nightmares?" Sirius asked wearily. "I don't think _I _could stand much more of this either. He expected Lily to nod and agree, but this statement brought Lily out of her lassitude.

She frowned angrily and looked reproachfully at Sirius. "_Anything _is better than the nightmares," she insisted, in an inarguable tone. Sirius looked a little surprised but nodded automatically.

Sirius left soon after, mumbling something about finishing homework, though Lily was quite sure that wasn't the reason he was eager to hurry away. She sighed. She knew she wasn't being very good company; she had firmly and repeatedly repulsed all attempts at conversation and had even begun to feel that Sirius had much more patience than she had ever credited him with.

Lily stayed in the Room of Requirement until eleven that night, then crept up to Gryffindor tower, through the mercifully deserted common room and up to bed.

The next morning, she woke up at four thirty. Knowing that it would be impossible to sleep any more, she got up and headed for the common room with a book under her arm. Reading always helped her; maybe it would make today a better day.

She opened the door and seeing a warm fire blazing merrily in the fireplace, sighed softly: she wasn't alone in being unable to sleep. She started to head towards the opposite corner of the room, wanting no conversation, when, on an impulse, she glanced over at the person stretched out in an armchair.

Seeing an untidy black head, she gasped: it was James. He looked as though he had not slept at all; his eyes were red and he looked thoroughly miserable. She watched him for a minute, then decided by the despondent air with which he leaned back in his chair that he was not remotely under the effects of the potion. He looked up suddenly and spotted her standing a little nervously, wondering what reaction to expect. He frowned; she had not expected that.

He stared up at her for several minutes in which Lily could not work up the courage to either sit down across from him or sit elsewhere. Finally he snorted softly and pointed, sarcastically, to the chair in front of him.

Lily sat uncertainly then looked very uncomfortable under James' continued scrutiny. She had just decided that she would _not _trouble herself to talk much when James asked accusingly, "Why're you up so early?"

Lily looked surprised then shrugged noncommittally and said, "Couldn't sleep." She looked James straight in the eye when she said this and James flushed a little; he could guess well enough what had kept her awake. Abruptly, his accusing expression vanished and was replaced by a more penitent one.

"Look…about…about…yesterday," he began uneasily, looking at his feet, "I-I'm…I sure am sorry." He looked up anxiously at Lily, hoping she would make it easier but she said nothing, only looked down at her hands. She was sitting tensely on the edge of her chair and James noticed unhappily that she had tears clinging to her lashes.

He cleared his throat, thoroughly wretched and tried again, "I-I didn't…mean…I mean, I didn't…know…what I…was doing," he added in a low voice. Looking up again at Lily he was startled to find her gazing straight at him, with tears in her eyes. She did not look even the least bit mad, only very sad and sympathetic. Hardly daring to believe it, he asked in a hoarse voice, "You-you're not…_mad_?"

Lily shook her head no, then said softly, staring at the fire, "I…know…it's not your fault." She glanced quickly at James as she said this; he winced at her words then nodded painfully.

"I don't _like_ this," he cried suddenly. "I…all yesterday…I didn't feel…myself."

Lily sniffed a little and James looked up. "D-don't, James," she said, hastily wiping her eyes. "It will…only make it…worse."

"Lily,' James said earnestly. "I'm really, really sorry for…yesterday, and I swear…I'll _try _not to…you know," he finished bitterly. "I _wish _I could know _what_ I'm taking this potion for!"

Lily stood up, trying vainly to wipe the tears pouring down her face. James instantly stood up and took a quick step, coming to stand before her. "Lily…" he said pleadingly. "Don't…I _can't_…stand it if you…" He reached out and wiped her face with a hard hand.

Lily smiled weakly then said, "I'm sorry…"

James smiled bitterly. "What've _you _got to be sorry for?" he whispered. Lily shook her head and sank back into her chair. There was silence for a few minutes then she said, in a calmer tone, "We have to do _something_ about this…you can't be…like…_this_…for…_ever_."

James nodded ruefully then messed up his hair, embarrassed. "I really made a right mess of things yesterday, didn't I?"

Lily nodded and said rather primly, "Yes, you did." James looked startled but flushed a little, realizing that there was truth in her words.

"You _were _rather awful," Lily continued meditatively. James turned even redder and mumbled something but Lily appeared not to notice.

"I hope you know," she said suddenly, "that I _don't _intend to go out with you like I was _forced _to say yesterday," she finished, her eyes narrowing. James looked extremely repentant and opened his mouth to say something, but Lily talked right over him.

"And I'm really quite afraid that if you do anything else like this today, or ever after, I will have to do something…drastic."

James' eyes widened uncertainly, but he tried to smile as he said in a persuasive voice, "Aw, come on, Lily. You know I didn't _mean_ any of that. And if I do anything else…today…then…I'm sorry…in advance," he added anxiously.

Lily couldn't keep up the pretense any longer; she laughed and James, after looking startled, sighed and relaxed.

For a moment, James's old smile returned and Lily's eyes sparkled, then they both sighed. Lily stared at the fire despondently. It wasn't _fair _that this had to be happening to _James_ of all people, James Potter, who she had never seen but laughing.

The door opened. James continued to stare at his feet but Lily, looking up, saw Sirius smiling down at her. She said nothing but looked back at the fire. Sirius, thinking she had been crying over the previous day's incident, moved forward quickly, saying, "Lily, really, you shouldn't cry. I promise the same thing won't happen today. I think even James realized so—"

He broke off abruptly, then turned around a little nervously, having heard a slight cough from the chair behind him. His eyes widened as he stammered, "J-James? Up so…early?" James merely nodded, without smiling.

Sirius looked highly disconcerted and Lily, glancing at James's face, thought he had good reason to be. Lily sighed; she was in no mood to play mediator for James and Sirius. She stood up and without glancing at either of them, walked out of the portrait hole.

James looked after her, startled, then turned to glare at the fire. Sirius eyed him uncertainly, clearly wondering whether James was still under the effects of the potion. "I'm not, you know," James said suddenly, having guessed Sirius's unspoken query, making Sirius extremely embarrassed.

"Not what?" Sirius asked in a voice he tried hard to make casual.

"_Drugged_," James said laconically, in an icy tone he had never used with Sirius before.

Sirius seemed to realize this and he sat down across from James and said sheepishly, "I-I'm sorry, mate. Know it wasn't your fault and all, but you _did_ do some crazy things yesterday…" he trailed off, observing the expression on James's face and wondering, anxiously, whether he had said too much.

It seemed to take James a long time to digest this; finally, painfully, he nodded. Sirius sat nervously and after a long pause said in an apprehensive tone, "So…how long have you been up?"

James heard the concern in Sirius's voice and said, without looking up, "All night."

Sirius looked startled then said cautiously, "Maybe the-the…dose…was…too much or something…you know?" He looked anxiously at James as he said this, wondering if he had phrased it quite the right way.

James glared at the rug angrily, then said, "You're damn right it was too much."

Sirius thought he heard a note of the old James in the familiar tone and smiled a little. He decided he would not ask James what Lily had been crying about, or if he had apologized to her, though he was very curious as to how much Lily, who had only really known James for a few months, was willing to take. He figured he would probably never find out, and was just thinking of something else to say when James said, "Look, was…she…really upset…yesterday?"

Sirius looked up, a little surprised, but seeing the serious expression in James's eyes, simply nodded. No use going into details; they would only upset James more.

But— "She cried?" James continued. Sirius nodded again; no harm in telling him _that_; she had even cried this morning.

"A lot?" James persisted. Sirius stared at him then nodded slowly; this was _not_ going the way he wanted it too. Luckily, James stopped questioning him then, but slumped back, miserably, in his chair. Sirius stared at the top of James's head uncertainly; he had never seen James in such a mood and had no idea what to say.

"Want to- want to get something to eat?" he asked finally, as the sun's first rays hit the windows, sending in a bright flood of sunlight. James shook his head no, and Sirius slipped out of the portrait hole, sighing relievedly once he had reached the peace of the hall.

Lily, who had wandered down to the lake and thrown herself down angrily in the long soft grass, got up now and headed back to Gryffindor tower. She heard footsteps approaching and ducked into a dark corridor, unwilling to talk with anybody. Peering out from her hiding place, she saw the dark head of Sirius disappear behind a tapestry. She turned around and gazed in the direction Sirius had come from but James was not coming behind.

She reached the common room just as it was beginning to fill. Spotting James sitting morosely in his chair, looking as though he had not moved since she had left him, she hurried towards him. James had his long legs stretched out in front of him and was glowering menacingly at the others in the common room, all of whom, Lily noticed, were giving James a wide berth on their way downstairs.

She walked up to James, and wondered what Sirius had said that had made James look so fiery. Stopping in front of him she said in a forcedly cheerful tone, "Come on, James." James looked up, surprised to see her. Even more surprised by the smile on her face, he stood up automatically.

"Time to go," Lily repeated, still smiling at James. James looked a little confused: hadn't she walked out on him half an hour ago? but smiled a little and straightened his robes.

Once they had left the portrait hole, together, as many Gryffindors noticed, Lily headed straight for the hospital wing. James, who was still too shocked to protest, looked up in dismay as the staring white of the walls assaulted his eyes. Sirius was waiting there; he had tried to shovel down some breakfast but had been unable to eat more than a few bites before hurrying up to the hospital wing.

Madam Pomfrey smiled at them from her office, and indicated a chair. James sat reluctantly and stared at the white floor as Madam Pomfrey bustled around, getting out his potion and a goblet.

Smiling at James, she picked up the bottle and was about to pour when Lily said, "Madam Pomfrey, could you…give him a...smaller dose…or something? Only he…can't really…sleep and you know, he…thinks it's too much," she added, glancing anxiously at James's bent head.

James gave no indication that he had even heard her; Madam Pomfrey looked down at him questioningly, and was a little startled when James did not even raise his head.

"Well…Dumbledore _did_ tell me that such a large dose was needed to…but I think…maybe for today, we can try…less." Lily looked relieved and smiled weakly at Sirius, who was watching nervously. James seemed not to care.

They headed down for the Great Hall once James had drank his potion. Lily spotted Hestia almost immediately, but hesitated, wondering whether it wouldn't be better if she stayed with James.

Almost as soon as the thought crossed her mind, a touch on her arm made her turn around to find Sirius, who said in a low, uneasy tone, "Better if you stay with us." Lily nodded then looking at where Hestia sat, talking with their friends, sighed a little.

Walking over to the nearest group of empty seats, they sat down. Lily turned around to talk to the girl sitting next to her, hoping nobody would notice who she was sitting with.

After breakfast, Lily joined Hestia by the door. Hestia looked surprised to see Lily. "Where _were_ you?" she asked, staring at Lily. Lily shook her head wordlessly, then, seeing that Hestia showed signs of wanting to talk, pulled her quickly out of the hall.

They walked quickly down to the Potions dungeon. Hestia, who was not at all satisfied with Lily's wordless dismissal of her query, began to question her. Hestia had noticed that Lily was not herself lately, and thought it had something to do with _him_. She inclined her head slightly, back to where James and Sirius were standing with a large group of their friends.

Lily shook her head again, though not as resolutely as before. Hestia noticed and opened her mouth to argue further when, seeing James and Sirius approaching, she abruptly closed it again.

She watched as they walked past, frowning slightly at the utter silence of James, and the uncomfortable look on Sirius's face. "What happened to _him_?" she asked instead. "I _know_ you know!" she added irritably as Lily shook her head again.

Lily remained watchful and anxious all day, but needn't have. James was as nearly back to normal as possible, and if he didn't attract too much attention to himself over the course of the day, it could only be a plus for Lily.

James might have decided to leave Lily alone for a day, but that didn't mean the rest of the school had. Girls from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and even Gryffindor stared jealously at her when they passed in the hallway and Lily knew they were comparing themselves to her and wondering spitefully why Lily was singled out for special attention. It was, Lily thought, a valid question, something she wondered all the time, though for a rather different reason.

Sirius, meanwhile, had returned to his normal, arrogant self. Seeing that James was not disposed to occupy the attention of the other sixth years during their break, he set out to engage the entire courtyard, and did, acquitting himself so excellently that by the time the sixth years headed inside for their next classes, many of the girls who had stared at Lily in the morning, barely glanced at her in the afternoon.

For this, Lily was rather grateful to Sirius and watching amusedly as a crowd eagerly surrounded Sirius, caught his eye and smiled. Sirius smiled casually, as though unaffected by the adoring crowd around him, and Lily laughed at their desperate attempts to attract Sirius's attention.

The next day, James was told that he had to take the old dosage again, and he did so, without much reaction. Sirius looked upset, and Lily, who had, unlike Sirius, watched James the previous day, and had expected this, looked sympathetic, but James seemed not to care about what they thought. He was inclined to remain thoughtful and was angry at the thought that he would not be able to, once he had taken the potion.

During break that day, James once again found himself, unwillingly, at the center of a crowd. Sirius noticed his discomfort and realized that while James really wanted to be alone, his abundance of energy drew the others to him like a magnet.

He hastily tried to disperse the crowd that had gathered around them but that was difficult, because most of the others had nothing better to do. Sirius looked around a little desperately; he could tell, by the look on James's face, that potion or no, James was getting tired of the constant attention.

He spotted Lily, chatting to Hestia under the shade of a group of trees and without even pausing to notice that Lily was talking and laughing normally for the first time in days, pushed his way out of the crowd and hurried towards her.

Lily, who had been keeping an eye on James, saw Sirius approaching and frowned angrily. She didn't even let him open his mouth as he stopped in front of her but said severely, "You _really_ can't expect me to fix all the mess you make, can you?"

Sirius looked put out at this and started to retort that it was not _his_ mess, but _James's_, when Lily abruptly walked away from him. Sirius stared after her, confused and a little hurt, not to mention embarrassed as Hestia stared disdainfully at him.

Then he noticed that Lily had, instead of walking away from the crowd that had surrounded him, walked toward it. He smiled a little as he watched her dark head weave its way through the throng of students then push its way out again, holding onto the hand of another.

James had been getting more and more angry by the chattering crowd around him when suddenly he felt a hand clasp his and pull him towards the edge of the pack. He allowed the person to lead him out, rather relieved and feeling very grateful to his rescuer. Reaching the freedom of the edge of the courtyard, he turned to see who had saved him and was shocked to see that it was none other than Lily.

She smiled happily at him and, after gaping, astonished, at her, James smiled back. She still held his hand, and realizing that, she let go but James held her hand instead. She looked up at him, a little startled by the sudden grin that suffused his face, but reflecting that she had not even seen so much as a smile on James's face over the past few weeks, did not try and free her hand.

Lily followed James out of the crowded courtyard, through the school, down to the lake. Narrowing her eyes a little at the sun's dazzling rays on the surface of the lake, Lily sat down near the edge, immediately sticking her fingers into the cold clear water. James followed, looking happy for the first time in weeks.

After sitting outside by the lake for twenty minutes, Lily was so cold she couldn't feel her toes. They headed inside for the common room, neither saying much, though James looked much happier.

Lily spotted Hestia sitting in a corner, looking a little lonely and immediately headed towards her, feeling guilty. James spotted Sirius in another corner and headed towards him, smirking: Sirius was working.

Sirius was behind on his homework again. While this was a normal occurrence that happened at least twice a month, this was the worst. Sirius could never remember having ever had so much work piled up, and was furiously scratching out essay after essay. Sirius thought it highly unfair that nobody else had as much work as he did, entirely forgetting that most of his peers had been working during the week, while he had not, and so were relatively better off.

He looked up, surprised, as James settled into an armchair across from him, noticing, that James looked neither angry nor upset, noticing also, that James was smirking at the furious scratching of his quill, something he had not done for weeks. Sirius grinned and continued scribbling recklessly.

Observing the look on James's face, he automatically glanced over to where Lily was talking with Hestia. Lily was looking in his direction and catching his eye, shot him a dirty look before turning back to her conversation. Sirius looked up at James, his smile fading, confused.

James, who had not caught the look, continued to smile happily, then in response to Sirius's puzzled look, said simply, "She likes me, wouldn't you say?" Sirius sighed exasperatedly; for somebody with as much confidence as James, he could be extraordinarily diffident in dealing with his feelings, especially with regard to Lily.

Sirius had long since given up trying to convince James that Lily fancied him, knowing that James would accept little but a direct confession from Lily.

Sirius smiled again, wondering how James had arrived at such a conclusion, and unconsciously glanced over at Lily again. When he received no response, he turned back to James, grinning again. "What makes you say that?" he asked casually.

James shrugged then said, "You saw today. Would she have…you know…if she hadn't?"

Sirius turned back to his essay and rolled his eyes at his paper. James was referring to the scene Sirius had seen, nothing else. Really, James could be idiotic when it came to girls, sometimes. You would have _never_ caught Sirius making the same mistake…

Sirius fixed a cheerful grin on his face and looked up at James's smiling face, saying, "I told you." James leaned back contentedly in his chair, and closed his eyes. Sirius sighed impatiently then turned back to his essay on the moons of Uranus.

The next day, everybody third year and above went into Hogsmeade. Sirius stayed back to finish his homework but James, who had actually smiled at Madam Pomfrey that morning, left.

Sirius thought he could guess why James looked so happy: Lily had probably agreed to come into Hogsmeade with him. Sirius frowned a little as he remembered the expression on Lily's face as she had looked at him the night before and had to wonder if James wasn't getting overenthusiastic.

Unwilling to spoil his good mood, Sirius shot a reckless smile at James as he headed out of the portrait hole, with his hair carefully rumpled.

James sighed happily as he took a shortcut down to the entrance hall. He was determined that nothing was going to ruin this day, nothing.

* * *

Very long. And lots of Lily. A little after here, the story stops being so Harry Potter-ish and gets more Leslie's dream-ish. By that I mean unreasonable and impractical and generally lovely. Whatever. Anyway, since this is NOT a story of Lily Evans' life, I will not be describing the Hogsmeade weekend or much of Sixth Year, which, along with Seventh year, actually ends rather abruptly. THEN it gets REALLY interesting.

Review?


	13. Conflicting Emotions

In the week following the Hogsmeade visit, which had gone reasonably well, Lily was relieved to find, Lily scarcely had time to think: exams were fast approaching and if she wanted to continue taking her five N.E.W.T.S. next year, she would need to pass the yearly exam set by the school.

James left her as alone as he could stand, respecting her ambition to become a Healer. Besides, he was busy studying himself. James had long wanted to be an Auror and _that_ was, as Sirius put it, "more trouble than it was worth." Sirius thought the whole thing a huge waste of time, especially as James was "rich" and would have little need of his own career.

Sirius had no real idea of what he wanted to be, though figured anything with magical creatures would suit him. As he was, at the moment, aiming on studying Demiguises in the wild, he didn't worry too much about his exams, except Care of Magical Creatures. Sirius, though a Black, and more in need of money than James, refused to worry about his rather alarming situation.

Hestia, who wanted, secretly, to be the first female Minister of Magic, was aiming for a career as an Auror, as the start to her "rise to power."

Their first exam was Potions, something for which James had frantically studied and Lily barely. They waited outside with the other Gryffindors and Slytherins, a little anxiously, as Madam Marsh bustled around inside, setting up. James stared at the wall in front of him, wishing one did not need to take Potions to become an Auror.

Lily was busy calming Hestia down. Sirius watched rather scornfully as Hestia cried hysterically, "I don't know _anything _about Potions!" Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes then turned to James and without bothering to lower his voice, said, "_Completely _mad," shaking his head at Hestia. Lily heard him and she flushed angrily but did not turn around.

James was brought back from his anxious thoughts by Hestia's screeches. Frowning slightly, he turned to where Lily stood with her arms crossed, having given up on Hestia. She caught his gaze and smiled a little, shaking her head. James casually made his way around the nervously chattering crowd, unnoticed by anyone but Sirius.

"Nervous?" he asked lightly once she was close enough. Lily smiled again and shook her head no. James sighed. "Wish I could say the same," he said, frowning at the wall. Lily smiled reassuringly. "You'll be fine. Madam Marsh's exams are never too difficult."

"If I mess up, will you stop me _before_?" he asked with a grin. Lily laughed, remembering the episode at the beginning of the year. James smiled and unconsciously relaxed a little.

The exam was not difficult, even for James. He headed to Transfiguration, feeling much better. The Transfiguration exam was difficult. Lily was so nervous that her bull would get impatient and charge at her that she only managed to Transfigure it into a small yellow bird, instead of a peacock. James was exactly the opposite: he was so confident of his Transfiguring ability that he angered his bull by making it wait too long and was kicked ten feet away. Professor McGonagall hastily vanished the bull away as it snorted and stamped its feet at James, who was still lying, shocked, on the ground.

Sirius walked over lazily to where James lay, a straggly peacock trotting after him. Pulling James up to his feet, laughing slightly, he turned his head a little to see the pink flamingo Hestia had managed to Transfigure. Catching Lily's eye, he grinned but she only frowned before moving hastily of the way of another bull.

Hestia moaned all the way to the hall as they headed down to lunch. Slightly behind them walked James and Sirius, the latter of whom was bragging unbearably to a few sixth-year girls tagging after them. He was just repeating his confident statement that he had passed the exam, no problem, when suddenly Lily turned around, her wand out.

James, who had been walking along, not listening to a word Sirius had said, stumbled into her. Hastily balancing himself, he held out a hand to steady Lily, before realizing that she had her wand pointed at Sirius. Shocked, he started, nearly toppling her again. The other sixth-year girls squealed, but unwilling to completely miss the fun, hung around, hiding behind James, who was looking from Lily's angry expression to Sirius's rather foolishly shocked face, with his mouth open.

Sirius stared at Lily in disbelief; he had always thought rather complacently that he had understood Lily very well. He looked, bewildered, from her face to her wand, then said with a feeble attempt at nonchalance, "What?"

Lily continued to glare at him but said, "If you don't shut your bloody mouth, I can arrange so that you never open it again."

Sirius, who had not supposed she was serious, looked taken aback. He was at first inclined to treat the whole thing as a joke, then he remembered that he still had his Care of Magical Creatures exam to go, and he thought of a few memories he would not like to forget. Smiling weakly, yet not willing to lose face completely in front of the sixth-year girls and especially Hestia, he shrugged as though humoring Lily then pushing her wand lightly aside, walked past her.

The two other girls tittered and Lily flushed. Turning angrily around, she pointed her wand at Sirius's retreating back and was about to open her mouth when James quickly put a hand over the edge of her wand. She tried to pull it loose but James wouldn't let go, only gazed solemnly down at her. "James, get _off_!" she cried and the sixth-year girls' smiles vanished, but James only shook his head no.

Lily let go of her wand angrily and was turning to stalk away when James handed her her wand and stepped in front of her.

"What's he done to you anyway?" he asked casually, stepping closer. Lily shook her head angrily then as James continued to smile slightly, burst out, "You don't know…you…he…doesn't…_care_…selfish…you don't _know_," she finished, incoherently, looking at James compassionately with tears in her eyes.

James stepped closer and still gazing into her eyes, asked quietly, "What don't I know?"

"The-day-at-the…lake," she choked and James's gaze grew keen. Hardly aware that the two sixth-year girls were leaning closer to listen, he said, "Yes?"

"He…made a…made _you_…upset…" She stopped and wiped her eyes, angrily with the back of her hand. Seeing that she was not going to say anything more he caught her hand and asked in a tone sharp with scrutiny, "He made me feel upset? You mean in the crowd?" Lily nodded and James grinned at her, a little relieved, and said, "_You _saved me, though."

Lily shook her head frustratedly, and said, "Why should _I_ have to 'save' you because of something _he_ does?" Catching James's startled expression, she realized she had been too frank and added hastily, "Oh, I didn't _mean _that exactly. I didn't _mind _it…I mean…I really…you know…had a…nice…time…at the lake," she added with a half-glance at the others, smiling anxiously up at James.

James nodded automatically then forcing himself to smile, he stepped back, looking rather pale. Lily bit her lip worriedly as she watched him walk away and disappear behind a tapestry.

She turned around to Hestia, distressed, then noticed the two other girls still standing there, eyeing her maliciously. They were from Hufflepuff, she noticed, and were among those girls who had tagged after James and Sirius for years, and who she had never liked much.

Now they smirked at her woebegone face before one of them said, "_That's _what you get if you mess with _James Potter_."

"_Or Sirius Black_," the other girl added. Lily glared at them before stalking off towards the Great Hall herself.


	14. A Dose of His Own Medicine

A/N: For Wind-Whisperer: my ONLY fan…sniff ;). I hope it's long enough for ya dear!

* * *

Gryffindor common room was rather silent that evening as a cause of James and Sirius's lack of spirits. They sat in a corner, brooding, each wrapped in his own thoughts. Across the room, Lily, too, was pensive and morose. Every time someone crossed the quiet common room to head upstairs to their dormitory, Lily looked up. She was hoping to talk to James when the room was reasonably empty, not wanting to approach him in front of the whole of Gryffindor tower and only prayed that James would not leave early.

Lily's wish, however, did not come true. When still half the room was full, James swung himself off his chair and loped towards the dormitory door. Lily watched despairingly but shuddered at the thought of the whole school witnessing her talk with James and so let him climb slowly up the stairs and out of sight.

The next morning, the presence of three pale faces that gave evidence of three sleepless nights cast a pall over the Charms exam. Lily stared unseeingly at guinea pig, painfully aware that James was avoiding her eyes and that Sirius was doing the exact opposite. She supposed that he was trying to figure our why he had made her so angry but really had no feeling either way: she was too tired to hold any grudges. If only James wouldn't act so! If only _she_ had not been so indiscreet! Lily thought, rather resentfully, that for someone who had professed to like her for as long as James had, he was awfully sensitive. Lily could count numerous other times when she had snubbed James and could not understand what made him take it so badly this time. But then, she recalled with a pang, James had not been in the same situation the other times.

Her eyes smarted uncomfortably and hastily she bent down, pretending to be rummaging for a quill while wiping her eyes furiously. When she re-emerged, it was to find herself face-to-face with Sirius. Unconsciously stepping back, she looked into his eyes for a moment then returned indifferently to the guinea pig she was supposed to be enchanting. Aware that he continued to stand before her yet completely uncaring, she was turning to ask Hestia something about their exam when Sirius, not used to being ignored, especially by a girl, said, "Lily."

Sighing audibly, she turned to face him, a wary expression in her eyes. Sirius noticed and backed off a little and making his tone less aggressive, asked, "So do I get to find out _why_ I got such treatment yesterday?"

Lily glanced at where James was staring at his guinea pig, listening closely. Smiling a little but not with Sirius, _at_ him, he thought angrily, she merely shook her head no. After watching him for a moment, she said wearily, "Don't worry. You're forgiven."

Sirius, who had been preparing himself to argue, looked surprised, then asked, frowning, "_Why_?"

At that moment, Professor Flitwick noticed a guinea pig running wildly around the desks and Sirius was forced to get back to his exam.

After the exam, Sirius waited a little distance away from the classroom door. The moment Lily emerged with Hestia, he made straight for her, little caring for the curious stares of his classmates. James, who was lounging silently near the statue of Gregory the Smarmy, hardly noticed him leave.

Lily saw Sirius walking determinedly towards her and also felt the gaze of a jealous group of girls fixed on her. Blushing, she pulled Hestia to a far shadowy corner. Sirius came and stood before her. Lily leaned tensely against the wall, only relaxing when Sirius continued in a low tone, "Why?"

Lily looked up at him then seeing that Sirius was serious and really wanted to know what had bothered her, she explained, wearily. When she had finished, Sirius watched her for a minute before opening his mouth to say, in a very different tone, "I see."

Lily smiled ruefully and said in a relieved tone, "You understand?" Sirius smiled at her concern and nodded reassuringly. "Come on," he added, and turned around to where James stood, staring absentmindedly at the floor. Lily's smile faded and she said quickly, "No." When Sirius stopped, looking surprised, she explained, "I mean, not now…I can…talk to him…later…"

Sirius laughed but Lily looked as though she didn't think it so funny. "I'm serious," she said anxiously. Sirius waved away her stammered replies and seizing her wrist, pulled her out of the shadowed corner. Lily hurriedly prised his fingers off as she noticed several girls still standing by the door. They stopped in front of James, who looked up, frowning a little, then said, "What?"

Sirius looked over at Lily, who reddened but could not think of how to begin. Finally Sirius said, "She says she's sorry."

James, who had been staring at the carpet again, looked up eagerly, then dropping his gaze to the carpet again, said roughly, "Sorry about _what_?"

Sirius crossed his arms and stared pointedly at Lily, who scowled at him but said hesitantly, "About…yesterday…" James glared so angrily at this point, though not at her, that she fell silent. Sirius glanced from one silent face to the other then shrugged and moved quietly away.

Spotting Hestia standing uncertainly a little away, as though undecided as to whether or not to wait for Lily, he headed for her. "Go on," he muttered, and when she didn't move, grabbed her arm and pulled her away, letting go of her the moment she started to leave.

"What's wrong with James?" she asked urgently.

Sirius frowned. He could see that she was concerned for James, but so was probably every other girl in the school. "None of your business," he said rudely, then as Hestia opened her mouth again, scowled. "Shut up already," he growled, chancing a glance over at the corner where Lily and James still stood, hoping they hadn't heard anything.

Hestia glared at him then crossing her arms, stopped short in the middle of the corridor. Sirius, who was about to move on, could have screamed at her, but instead signing that she would get it later, doubled back, grabbed her arm and pulled her bodily away from the now deserted corner where James and Lily still stood.

Sirius was halfway through his lunch when James dropped his bag beside the bench and swung himself onto it. Glancing at his grim face, Sirius had to wonder if it wouldn't have been better if he himself had told James, figuring that Lily would never have been able to tell James what she had told him. Turning a little in his seat, he saw Lily enter the Great Hall, obviously having walked there alone. "So?" he had to ask finally, dying of curiosity.

"What's there to be _sorry_ for?" James asked viciously, stabbing his potatoes with his knife. He had plainly not forgiven Lily for anything, and Sirius suppressed a sigh, instead shook his head a little, and returned to his lunch.

James poked at his food morosely. Sirius, who had had to skip breakfast, was hungry. It seemed to only make James madder, to see Sirius eagerly shoveling down his food. "How the _hell _can one person eat that much?" he asked irritatedly, forgetting that when in good spirits, he could easily eat as much. Sirius put down his fork, and stared at James. To be mad with someone else was one thing, and had happened before, but for James to take it out on Sirius was new.

James glowered at him before pushing aside his plate. Sirius sighed then said, "James, really, what did she say?" James shrugged, then turning his head, stared broodingly at the Ravenclaw table.

Sirius shook his head again, as though trying to clear it of all the troubles that were plaguing it. He was about to turn back to James when a red head caught his eye. He stared at her until she felt his gaze. When she looked up, he raised his eyebrows questioningly. Lily shook her head despairingly. Sirius frowned and inclining his head slightly at James's turned back, raised his eyes exasperatedly. Lily smiled then as James turned back around, quickly turned back to Hestia.

Sirius, who was not so quick, managed to avert his gaze a little before James asked sullenly, "Who were you staring at _now_?" Sirius said nothing, so James looked instead, in the general direction of Sirius's gaze. Spotting Lily immediately, he frowned angrily. A few quick glances from her in their direction confirmed whom Sirius had been staring at.

"Sirius!" James cried angrily. "_What_ were you doing?" Sirius looked surprised, then seeing that James had figured out who Sirius had been looking at, did some quick thinking. Though James was certainly mad at her, it was obvious he still liked her, a lot. Sirius was also fairly sure, knowing James as he did, that James was not likely to admit it anytime soon either. Having received such a set back, Sirius was nearly one hundred percent certain that James would wait for Lily to approach him first. And while Sirius felt that she would do that _some_ time soon, he was not at all sure of the extent of her regard for James. He did know that it was nowhere near as much as what James felt for her. All he was sure of was that James would "sulk" until she made up properly, and Sirius didn't feel up to handling a touchy James.

James continued to glare at Sirius, obviously waiting for an answer. Putting on a nonchalant smile, Sirius shrugged then said, "Nothing." James was plainly not satisfied with this, and said in a lower, more quiet, but angrier tone, "_Who_ were you looking at?"

Sirius picked up his fork again then inclined his head in the general direction. James would take it, he knew, that he had been staring at Lily, but since he had been, Sirius saw no need to try and dissemble about it.

James frowned in disgust at Sirius's unashamed smile and stormed off. Sirius watched him go, with an unreadable expression on his face.

* * *

James sat moodily in an armchair. Across the room, Sirius was charming every girl in Gryffindor, Lily included. Soaking up their adoring attention, he was sitting in a wooden chair and had tilted up the legs at a daring angle. From his vantage point, he was leaning over backwards into a crowd of chattering girls, while toasting his feet in front of the fire. Lily, James noticed, had not looked surprised at Sirius's actions, but seemed taken aback when he flirted with her, along with every other girl.

She looked confused at first, but now seemed to be enjoying being on closer terms than most with that charming, too handsome Sirius Black. James clenched his fists angrily as Lily laughed at something Sirius said, then, catching the look on her face as she laughingly teased Sirius back, turned away so he would not have to watch. But though he could not see, he could not, unfortunately, close his ears. Lily's laugh was the most frequent, the most melodic, and it was not for him.

Once, Sirius glanced over at the dark corner where James sat alone, unnoticed, and once Lily had searched the room for an untidy black head, but not looking very hard or very long either, had not even seen him.

Taking advantage of the loud voices of the crowd around them, Sirius leaned forward then murmured into Lily's ear, "Don't you go and fall in love with me now. There's a good reason for all this." Lily looked at him, startled, and Sirius saw, with a knowledge born of experience, that while she did not look too surprised upon learning that Sirius had a motive behind his actions, seemed, for a fleeting moment, disappointed.

"Were you?" he couldn't resist whispering. Lily turned her head quickly, pretending not to have heard him, but her slightly reddened cheeks and quick breathing gave it away. Sirius felt his heart sink. He would not do this for any but his best friend but he would not do this _to _Lily, either. Sirius sighed, suddenly quiet, wondering whether James's temporary anger was worth assuaging by breaking Lily's heart. He didn't have to think long to realize the answer: no.

Abruptly letting his chair fall back with a thump, he got up and maneuvered automatically out of the crowd, hampered and hindered by cries from the girls and a few hands. He walked away from them, making for the corner where James was sitting, glowering. Sitting down across from him, he looked carefully away from both James and Lily, who though startled, had only gotten up and, carefully hiding her face behind her long hair, walked up to the dormitory.

"Had fun, did you?" James began after a few seconds. Sirius winced at James's accusing tone. This was definitely _not _the best plan he had had. Trying to stay calm, he asked, a little apprehensively, "What-what do you mean?"

"Had fun flirting," Sirius flinched at the word, "with _my_ girl?"

"James," Sirius began awkwardly, but James didn't let him finish. "She _obviously_ likes you better than me."

"Of course she do—" Sirius began hotly, though he could feel the heat rising to his face. "Rubbish," James snarled. "Don't you _dare_—"

Sirius cut him off, beginning to get angry himself. "It is _not _rubbish. _Any_ girl would fall for a few soft words. That doesn't mean she _likes_ me," he said, uncomfortably aware that his flushed cheeks belied his words.

James, however, seemed glad for any excuse to stop arguing. He had been doing enough of that with Sirius in the past few weeks. He stared at Sirius, trying to hide his eagerness to accept any decent explanation. Sirius noticed, and shifting a little in his chair said, "If she _does_…like…me …better than…a little," he changed, hastily, seeing the James's face tighten in anger, "it's only because I pay her attention…without getting mad…or plaguing her with my problems."

Sirius knew, the moment he said it, that he should not have finished that way. James roared angrily, though the common room was so loud nobody noticed. "Is it _my _fault I'm having, "_problems_"? he asked sarcastically. Sirius looked sorry, but only said, "I didn't quite mean that, mate. All I meant was…she doesn't deserve to…suffer…because of you…when she's not even…" he trailed off, a little afraid of continuing. James glowered at him, but did not respond. "So…think about it, ok? I didn't go to all that trouble…for my own sake," he finished, leaving James with a lot of angry, troubled thoughts swirling around inside him.


End file.
